Yang Jiang | she is still in love at the age of one hundred.

Qian Zhongshu's besieged Fortress was read by Qian Zhongshu during my lunch break in the second year of senior high school, although I could not understand the meaning of the sentence "people outside want to go in, people inside want to come out". Up to now, what I remember most is Qian's seemingly unintentional comment: "this diploma seems to have the function of Adam and Eve's lower body leaf, which can cover shame and ugliness." A small piece of square paper can cover up a person's emptiness and stupidity. "

because every time I think of this sentence, I feel that I am just looking for a "cover leaf" at this stage. I pursued a diploma in my third year of high school, and now I pursue works with a high reading volume, even sometimes money.

it's as if with these fig leaves, you can hide all your shortcomings.

so I have been thinking about what a smart and powerful person like Qian Zhongshu would look like.

Today I saw a lot of tweets about my husband, introducing her in the following words: "Yang Jiang, a famous female writer, literary translator, foreign literature researcher and wife of Qian Zhongshu."

the closest address to her name is always "Mrs. Qian Zhongshu".

some people say that this is disrespectful, because no one wants to be tied up with another person for the rest of her life, thus losing her personality that should have been independent. They said, "Why do we have to mention Qian Zhongshu when we mention Yang Jiang?" Can't my husband be regarded as an independent person without his own work? "

but generally speaking, those who ask such questions must not have read my husband's works carefully.

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in "the three of us", my husband wrote:

the good things in the world are not firm, and the colored clouds are easy to disperse and the glass is brittle.

he (referring to Qian Zhongshu) made a vow and said: "from now on, we can only part each other and never part again."

does parting lengthen, increase or reduce pain? I don't know, but the farther I go with him, the more afraid I will never see him again.

I don't know if the word "binding" has ever been a pain for my husband in the past few decades, but what I can be sure of from the text is that "only death, no more separation" is not only Qian Zhongshu's vow, it is also the husband's belief. In the winter of 1998, Qian Zhongshu died. On his deathbed, he opened one eye and closed the other. Seeing this, Yang Jiang leaned down against Qian Zhongshu's ear and said, "Don't worry, I'm here!"

Qian Zhongshu left safely.

and this sentence "I'm here" should prove that my husband doesn't mind being called by others and must mention her husband's name. Because she knows in her heart that Qian Zhongshu needs her, and she also needs Qian Zhongshu, there is no attachment here, only mutual love. "but the farther I went with him, the more afraid I was of never seeing him again," she said. " Therefore, to be able to appear with her husband's name at the same time, it can also be regarded as their insistence on "no more birth and divorce".

Mr.

once wrote, "I have done all kinds of jobs: a university professor, a middle school principal and an English teacher in the third year of high school, as well as a writer of comedies, essays and short stories. But every job is temporary, and there is only one thing that remains unchanged for the rest of my life. I have been Yang Jiang in Qian Zhongshu's life all my life. "

in fact, before Qian Zhongshu wrote Fortress besieged, people would always add when they mentioned Qian Zhongshu: "that is Yang Jiang's husband." Because at that time, Yang Jiang was a famous screenwriter in Beijing. So now their identities are only slightly changed, and people mention the word "Yang Jiang" and always talk about Qian Zhongshu.

when you mention someone, you have to mention another person, not because one of them can only live on the other, but because they are integrated into their lives and can no longer be separated.

I wrote a film review of the Love letter before, which mentioned that what moved me most in the movie was the old couple who were over 70.

I still remember what Grandpa said in church in the movie: "Don't blame me for being mean. I think it's 80%. You have to go ahead of me."

"how do you deal with a lot of things in your family, and you love to cry? you can't change it when you're 70 or 80. I'm even more worried about leaving you there to cry. Old woman, before you die, you get sick and painful, and it's really annoying. But don't worry, no matter how annoying you are, I won't dislike you. Of course, I have a bad temper, if you get to the other end, if you want to wait for me, if you don't want to, you can find someone with a better temper than me, and I promise. Then let's make a deal. On the tombstone, I'll free up a piece, and then I'll carve my name next to you, okay? "

because the question of "leave first and go later" is so interesting that when we talk about the word "sacrifice" in the past, we all aim at the one who dies first. But in the lives of grandparents, the real "sacrifice" is the one who dies later. Life has been thoroughly thought out by the two old men. They no longer mind the distribution of interests after death, and they only have each other in their eyes and hearts.

so Grandpa hopes that Grandma will be the first to go. Because in Grandpa's mind, the man should still be the one who bears everything. When the grandfather in the movie said, "you go first", Grandma did not disagree, there were a few tears in the corners of her eyes, and then whispered, "Thank you."

here, Grandma accepted Grandpa's sacrifice.

but in the relationship between Yang Jiang and Qian Zhongshu, she said: "in Zhongshu disease, I only want to live one year longer than him." Take care of people, men are not as good as women. I try my best to take care of myself and strive for 'husband first, wife second'. If I have the wrong order, it will be bad. "

"I just want to live one year longer than him", which is the sacrifice of Mr. Yang Jiang.

although the consciousness of the two is different, in the end, we will find that movies and life are really so thunderous.Same as. In the movie, because of some changes, Grandpa left Grandma first. In life, Qian Zhongshu left with her in the second year of her daughter's death.

the two of them usually say that they are taken care of by their partner, but in fact, they have taken care of each other for most of their lives.

and the grandma in the movie, like Mr. Yang Jiang in life, is not anxious, slow, happy or sad, and leads a good life by herself. Although they will still be sad, they know in their hearts that the so-called "big men" are just children, and if they leave first, their husbands' lives will certainly be extremely perfunctory.

so I guess they will comfort themselves with "rejoicing": "fortunately, you are the one who went first, otherwise, I can't rest assured."

however, this kind of "rejoicing" probably cost them most of their efforts, right?

I wonder what kind of faith they, these little women who are willing to sacrifice, hold in the last moment of their partner to pluck up their courage and put away their tears at this moment when they are facing the most difficult fate. I will face my life alone from now on. They are not secretly shouldering the responsibility that does not belong to them, their own hands to lose the qualification to be spoiled, to convince the original cowardly themselves: "stick to it."

when I was thinking about how to end this article, I found that my husband had said, "Zhong Shu has escaped, I also want to escape, but where to?" I can't escape at all. I have to stay on earth, clean the scene, and do my duty. "

well, maybe I was right.

when I watched Fortress besieged in my second year of high school, I could only feel the joy of reading. I never thought that in the future, I would be able to commemorate the two writers I respected with words as a writer.

A few years ago, I never thought of commemorating Qian Zhongshu with words, because it is Mr. Yang Jiang who is alive, which makes those of us who like Qian Zhongshu feel that Qian Zhongshu is also alive.

but today, my husband left, without saying goodbye, we commemorate it in words.