When I'm talking about desperation, I'm just desperate to live.

in August, Typhoon Haikui made landfall in Ningbo. I was stranded in the terminal of Lucia Airport. After 11 o'clock, there was no news of the delayed flight. I kept flipping through Song Yu's name in my mobile phone address book as if I could connect to his world with a click of my finger.

the wind was strong and the rain poured down, but I never touched it.

Somehow the asphalt dripping from the burning linoleum splashed on my cotton-padded pants. My new cotton-padded pants were burning quickly, and I curled up and screamed on the ground in pain. Seeing this, Song Yu hurriedly grabbed a handful of sand to cover my ham-it was useless, and he tried his best to spit on it, but to no avail.

the fire intensified, and I cried with pain. Song Yu took off his trousers and pissed on them, extinguishing most of the flames. Watching the rest of the fire revive, Song Yu rolled naked around my thigh and finally extinguished all the flames.

after that, Song Yu was hung and beaten by his mother for a long time. Because the wound was inflamed, I lay in the hospital with good food and drink for a week.

I still have an 8-inch "fire scar" on my left leg, Song Yu said. It is a testament to our great friendship.

but what moved me to death at that time was Song Yu's decisiveness and bravery that saved my thigh.

I said, Song Yu, you are my savior. I'll buy you whatever you want!

Song Yu crawled beside me and said with a smile, "No, you owe it first. I'll pay it back when I think of you."

after saying this, he proudly turned over and sat up, but as soon as his ass touched the bed, he jumped out like a burning firecracker with a "wow".

2.

in primary school, we were assigned to the same class.

because of my good grades, I am a good student in the eyes of the teacher.

Song Yu is the king of naughty children. Because of the gratitude of the "thigh incident", I often send my homework and notes to Song Yu in time.

Grade 5, literature and art show, Song Yu asked me to act in a stage play.

Song Yu said, "there is a lack of an important role in the heavenly palace. Will you play it?"

I asked, is it Sun WuKong?

Song Yu said that's my horn!

I asked, is it a heavenly general?

Song Yu said that the treatment is a little better than this!

I ask, is that?

Song Yu said, it is the Jade Emperor, think about it!

I said, forget the Jade Emperor, the whole havoc in Heaven has been beaten up all the time, damaging my image as a good boy.

Song Yu said I will try my best to reduce your share of the play. Jiang Yiyan will play the Queen Mother. Please think about it again.

Jiang Yiyan is a famous high achiever in our school. She not only has good grades, but also has a beautiful life, and she also paints very well. At that age, all boys with normal values and strong physical growth competed to make friends with Jiang Yiyan, borrow her homework, collect her paintings, and accompany her to do a thorough cleaning.

so I agreed without thinking.

Song Yu finally fulfilled his promise, the whole "wreaking havoc in the sky" was changed beyond recognition, and the main part was the fighting between the Queen Mother and Sun WuKong in the flat Peach Orchard.

and my only line is to get under the desk and shout hysterically:

"go and invite the Tathagata Buddha!"

3.

in the sixth grade, Jiang Yiyan joined the school's painting interest class and left school an hour later than ordinary classmates. Because we formed a "fairy bond" in "wreaking havoc in Heaven", Song Yu and I took the initiative to act as flower protection messengers, often accompanying the "Queen Mother" around.

along the way, the three of us talked and laughed, took off the cicada shell from the poplar by the road, caught the watermelon worm in the rose nursery, and counted the sparrows that landed on the wire again and again. Life is simple and beautiful as if the sky is wrinkle-free and immortal like clouds.

the summer before graduation, we passed an alley called Jiudaowan three times.

in the corner of the hutong, suddenly a high school gangster blocked the road and robbed him. Because Song Yu's father was the leader of the city and his family was very well-off, this came up with 20 yuan to stabilize the situation.

the robber took the money and wanted to leave happily. Glancing at Jiang Yiyan, he suddenly turned his head.

"Little girl, she is very beautiful!" With a bad smile on his face, the gangster held out a hand to Jiang Yiyan.

Song Yu took a vigorous step in front of him and said, "if you take the money, why don't you go?"

the punk let out a strange sneer and kicked Song Yu in the stomach.

"your mother! Mind your own business, right? "

Song Yu fell to the ground clutching her belly, winking hard at me, and asked me to pull Jiang Yiyan to run quickly.

I was completely stupid at that time, and I didn't get close to my face until the gangster reached out to touch Jiang Yiyan.

"you want to die, too, don't you?" The gangster decisively slapped my left face.

I don't know where the courage came from, not only poked in place and motionless, but also gestured to the gangster with his eyes. You can do it again on my right face, but you can't cross it.

"stupid!" The punk understood and quickly fulfilled my good wishes!

but before I moved, I turned the other side of my cheek towards him.

the gangster was surprised by my anti-attack ability. When he was considering calling his long-range attack mode with long legs and high eggs, Song Yu, clutching his stomach, rushed madly before the gangster lifted his legs. Hugged him and took a bite at the root of his thigh for the internal test. The punk howled in pain and jumped out half a meter away.

"your mother! A fool, a madman, a pair of idiots! " The scoundrel limped away step by step.

Song Yu slowly got up from the ground. Jiang Yiyan came over, reached out and touched my hot cheek, and asked me:

"does it hurt?"

Song Yu grabbed it and said, "Oh, my stomach hurts!"

I smiled awkwardly and said, "I'm all right, left and right, just in balance."

then the three of them didn't talk any more along the way. Jiang Yiyan was frightened, with tears in her eyes all the time.

it suddenly occurred to me that tears are the only criterion for testing beauty.

the swallow looks very beautiful, more like a pink lotus hanging with dew than her usual elegant appearance. The setting sun stretched her shadow so long that I wanted to hold a handful of her tears and collect the glow of the beauty of that night. it was at that dusk that I felt the itching in my heart for the first time, just like my hot cheeks, uncontrollable and numb.

4.

after a long time, Song Yu asked me why Jiang Yiyan came to me that day and asked me if it hurt.

"I hurt a little more!" Song Yu said.

"I'm closer to her. Maybe I get the moon first?"

"do you like her?"

"I don't have it!"

"then I'm relieved." Song Yu said with relief.

I turned to ask, "what if she likes me?"

Song Yu said, "if that's the case, I won't chase it."

I said: "the world is so big, we are not the only two men!"

Song Yu said, "No matter who dares to chase my brother, I will beat him to death with a brick!"

I smiled and said, "you lunatic!"

Song Yu said, "you fool!"

"A couple of idiots! Ha! " The two of us hugged each other.

time flies, I finished junior high school in a twinkling of an eye, and the school is nearing graduation. The school wants to find a person from me and Jiang Yiyan to speak on stage as a representative of outstanding graduates.

"What a great honor! Just give it to the swallow. " Song Yu suddenly told me.

"of course, good men don't fight with women!"

"Don't argue with me about swallows, okay? I know you like her, too, brother. I can give you everything else, or life! " Song Yuhua grabbed me by the shoulder solemnly.

"for the sake of your ass being beaten into rotten peaches to save my thigh!" I couldn't help laughing.

"ha!" I laughed hard for fear that Song Yu would hear my embarrassment until I was out of breath.

before leaving school, Jiang Yiyan delivered a speech on behalf of all the students in the school, especially mentioning the great friendship between Song Yu and my two best friends. Song Yu secretly gave me a thumbs up and giggled at me.

I pointed to my ass and pulled out my middle finger to echo him.

as a graduation gift, Jiang Yiyan gave Song Yu and me a watercolor painting.

my pair shows poplars and colorful rose flowers near nine curved hutongs, and a light swallow under the blue sky on Fly.

Song Yu asked me, "how many swallows did she draw for you?"

I said, "one?"

"draw two for me. Does this mean flying together?" Song Yu was smiling.

"Hmm! Well, congratulations, ha! "

this time I laughed happily, really, as if poking a bright opening on a dreary day.

5.

after graduating from junior high school, I transferred to a key middle school in Linshi. Jiang Yiyan continued to stay here, while Song Yu was assigned by his father to the car company of Nanjing Air Force ground crew because she did not enter high school.

I felt the great power of a good father for the first time.

during this period, as long as Song Yu comes back, he will certainly arrange for me and Jiang Yiyan to go out together. By that time, he had saved a lot of money and brought back all kinds of duck parts and spicy crayfish from Nanjing every time.

our great friendship has been upgraded smoothly, from sharing difficulties to sharing blessings.

I didn't think too much, nor did I think about the future. I just felt that life was like crayfish with onions, ginger, garlic, and pepper and Wang Shouyi's thirteen fragrances. It was a pity that the good times always slipped away very quickly. In the twinkling of an eye, I abetted my fingers and left in a hurry.

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fortunately, Jiang Yiyan and I were both admitted to the university in Beijing. When you stroll on a dozen stops of the subway on weekends, you will be able to meet in a hurry.

Song Yu asked me to swear by heaven and made three rules:

first, you can't fall in love with Jiang Yiyan;

second, you can't let Jiang Yiyan fall in love with me;

third, you should always hang around Jiang Yiyan and don't let other men take advantage of it.

Song Yu said, is it difficult?

I said, so young so simple so na ï ve!

Song Yu said, speak human words!

I said it's no big deal. I'll tell Jiang Yiyan that I'm a GAY!

Song Yu said, although you are a little pussy, your brain is really useful!

6.

when I first arrived in Beijing, I deliberately avoided meeting Jiang Yiyan.

this happened several times. One day I found a copy of OutServe magazine in the school canteen, and that week I asked Jiang Yiyan to come to HKUST to play. I rolled it up with some dirty clothes. A piece of toilet paper and the magazine were pressed under the pillow.

when Jiang Yiyan arrived at school, I reasoned that something would happen to the students and asked her to wait for me in the dormitory first.

half an hour later, I ran back to my dormitory and saw Jiang Yiyan sitting on the edge of my bed, playing on the Internet on her mobile phone. On the clothes hanger in the dormitory, my clothes have been washed by her, dripping with water.

in my heart, I quickly liked myself silently and slapped myself twice in the face.

that day, I took Jiang Yiyan back to school and walked the seven-stop subway all the way. I said what I had not said in my life, but I didn't feel tired at all.

the length of the road is the only criterion for testing true love. I know this well, but I made a promise first, so when Jiang Yiyan pretended to have no intention of asking if I had any girls pursuing, I vaguely replied to her:

"I prefer more men!"

Jiang Yiyan had a bad laugh at first. After contacting my avoidance, toilet paper, and a series of clues from OutServe magazine, Jiang Yiyan suddenly said:

"Oh, my God!" It turns out that you and Song Yu are a couple. I've been a light bulb for several years, but I don't know! "

Damn it, what a surprise! This is not at all the inference I want her to draw.

when it comes to this, I have to say, "Song Yu is not gay. At least I know he doesn't love me, but you!"

Jiang Yiyan blinked her slender eyes and smiled. She said, "there is so much information. My CPU is not enough. Please give me a minute!"

having said that, her cheeks were red and hot, and I suddenly remembered that many years ago, when the setting sun was flying all over the sky, she cast me into amber with tears, and my soul has been condensed in that twilight ever since.

7.

although I am not sure that Jiang Yiyan will believe me as a GAY lie from now on, my attitude at least shows that I am not interested in her. In my heart, she and Song Yu have become a couple flying side by side.

I have bought several sets of sportswear one after another, the color is very neat, all dark purple.

every time I go to see Jiang Yiyan, or she comes over, I dress myself up as a long piece of eggplant. We walked along the subway line, greeting us all the way, talking about life and art, but not about feelings.

the length of the road is the only criterion for testing true love, and there is no better bullshit than this!

later, Song Yu and Jiang Yiyan got together smoothly. After leaving the army, Song Yu was run into the municipal government by his father, and Jiang Yiyan was arranged by her father-in-law to be admitted to the city cultural center.

after graduation, I packed my bags, traveled across mountains and rivers, and went far away. In Shanghai, a company that acts as an agent for imported frequency converters, I found a job of installation and commissioning.

Song Yu and Jiang Yiyan got married. Song Yu called me 18 times a day to be the best man. I said I couldn't get a train ticket and quarreled with Song Yu on the phone.

Song Yu said, "if you treat me like a fucking brother and a swallow as a sister, get your ass back here!"

I said that if I can't get a train ticket, I may be a day or two late.

Song Yu said, "if you can't buy a train ticket, you'll take a plane." No more, you take a taxi back, I will reimburse you.

I yelled, who wants you to be reimbursed? if you have money, you can't afford it?

finally, I got back!

the wedding is in full swing, and the bride stands on tiptoe to receive a kiss from the bridegroom. I showed up, unseasonably holding a large bouquet of violets.

when Song Yu saw me, she left the swallow with her eyes closed and rushed down from the stage.

he hugged me and tied me to death. I said, "you lunatic!"

Song Yu said, "you idiot!"

my tears burst out instantly. I haven't seen them in two years. If it hadn't been for Uncle Song's face, Song Yu and I would have slapped each other on the stage to show respect!

Song Yu gave me a big kiss on the neck. I presented flowers to Jiang Yiyan with tears in my eyes, pretending to say calmly:

"it's his problem for your husband to kiss me, it doesn't mean I love him!"

Jiang Yiyan just said faintly, "it's good to be here, it's good to be here!"

the next day, Song Yu and the swallow sent me back to Shanghai. At the station, Song Yu secretly asked me:

"Why are there so many scars on my hands?"

I said that when the experiment went wrong, the current broke down and became hot. "the company is piece-by-piece. If I debug a few more units, I will earn a little more!"

Song Yu asked, "do you want to work so hard?"

I don't know where I got angry. I retorted, "I'm not like you. I can't compete with people except for my life." When I'm talking about desperation, I'm just desperate to live! "

Song Yuzheng said, "come back!" I talked to my father, and he can put you in the quality supervision bureau! "

I said: "I spell very well, very happy, there is no need to invite the Tathagata Buddha!"

"you have balls!" Song Yu chiseled my left shoulder with a fist and said viciously.

8.

living in Shanghai is not easy. Prices are high, house prices are high, and you can't save any money in a month. Later, I came to Ningbo, doing work on weak electricity regulation and control of climbing work.

A year later, I met a Wuhan girl named Wu Xiaoyun. Our relationship developed smoothly. More than half a year later, I took Wu Xiaoyun back to my hometown to get married.

Song Yu drove his new Land Rover to make my wedding car, and Jiang Xiaoyan left the nursing baby to paint Wu Xiaoyun's wedding makeup.

on the wedding night, Wu Xiaoyun suddenly asked me very alert whether Jiang Yiyan used to like it. I?

Women's intuition is sometimes frightening and sensitive. I asked Xiao Yun, how do you judge?

Xiao Yun said, "when I pick ahead flower, I want to choose pink, but she says you always like purple. With such details in mind, you must have a ghost."

I smiled and said it was just a fucking misunderstanding. When the swallow graduated from junior high school, Song Yu and I were each given a pair of watercolors. At that time, they decided to fly together, and let me go out on my own and go to the blue sky on my own.

in Ningbo, I often climb towering tower crane control equipment. When the Xiangshan Port Cross-sea Bridge was built, I had to climb the 240-meter-high main pier tower crane with my bare hands every day. The subsidy was very high, and my life became more and more abundant.

I often look at the open sea and miss my hometown. I think of Song Yu and swallows, and of poplars and watermelon worms in Jiudaowan.

two years later, when the bridge was built, I contacted my classmates to know that something had happened to Song Yu's family.

his father was arrested because of economic problems, which implicated Song Yu's violation of discipline in employment. The family tried desperately to pay out to reduce the sentencing, and Song Yu has been out of office for half a year.

when I saw Song Yu, he was in the truck yard preparing to load for a long distance, black and thin, with a stubborn spirit on his face.

I said, "if there's anything I can do to help, please let me know!"

Song Yu said, "nothing, I can handle it!"

I said, "Don't work so hard, the body is the most important!"

Song Yu Leng smiled: "take your life to fight because there is nothing else to fight, isn't that what you said?" Who is not desperate to live! "

I was at a loss, so I had no choice but to leave silently. I wanted to say to him

"you have balls, too. You must live well!"

Life is like this. Suffering is like a punk who jumps out of an alley in Nine bends at any time, sometimes slapping you in the face one after another, and sometimes suddenly kicking you to the ground.

9.

in August, Typhoon Haikui made landfall in Ningbo. I was trapped in the terminal of Yushe Airport. There was no news of the delayed flight after 11 o'clock. I kept flipping through Song Yu's name in my mobile phone address book as if I could connect to his world with a click of my finger.

just a few hours ago, I received a call from the swallow. She told me that something had happened to Song Yu.

outside the airport, the wind was strong and the rain poured down, but I never dialed the number.

when I rushed back to my hometown, Song Yu had already been arranged for burial. Life was in such a hurry that I couldn't catch up with him for the last time.

it is said that in those days, Song Yu used to travel all night to make more money. On the day of the accident, his car broke down on the highway. Although he put up a tripod, it was a pity that his vision was too blurred that night. When the truck behind found the barricade, it was too late to react and crashed him directly into the tipper of the truck in front of him.

relatives and friends dispersed, and on the last afternoon in Song Yu's hometown, Jiang Yiyan and I were sorting out his belongings.

I found a smooth oil painting on the shelf.

there are tall poplar trees and five-colored rose flowers in the picture, and under the blue sky, there are three little swallows side by side with Fly, hand in hand, forming a semicircle.

Wu Xiaoyun called in the evening and asked me when I could go back.

Jiang Yiyan leaned against the window and said faintly, come back, I will be strong.

I suddenly remembered that on that evening many years ago, after that elongated beautiful figure, Jiang Yiyan suddenly turned in front of her house. She burst into tears and smiled and said in a gentle voice:

"I'm fine, thank you!"

although the hutong of Jiudao bend is very long, we can get out of it eventually.