What makes us so afraid of marriage?

I suddenly found that we had all been imbued with a fixed pattern of marriage.

everyone knows that I am old and unmarried. Most of my friends are old and unmarried, and we seem to be separated from married people. We watched the fire on our turf, watching each other's miserable lives to comfort ourselves, glad we didn't live like them. We think their married life is hopping, and they think we hate to get married and have no one to rely on.

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having seen too many failed marriages around me, I am more disappointed than them. I want to get married, want to live after marriage, watched a lot of wedding vows, I will also envy, but I will hastily smoke a cigarette to warn myself not to succumb to this vulgar happiness, these are temporary, unreliable, untrustworthy relationships.

the high divorce rate, all kinds of cheating, mistress, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, domestic violence. These are more like floods and waves to me. These are not what I want. I don't want to throw myself into the water. Marriage for me will sacrifice a lot of things, my time and energy can no longer be freely allocated by me, I still have my ideas, I still have a lot of interesting things to do, I do not want to succumb to the boring and meticulous marriage life.

this is enough to scare me.

of course, marriage is a two-way choice. Many men, well, not much. They said to me, "I love you very much in the spirit, and you give me the highest degree of spiritual pleasure." but you are not suitable for marriage, you are too special, you are too unapproachable, I am not sure. "when I heard this, I felt that I was praising me at first, and then I thought about some bullshit logic. You don't know me, what makes you think I'm not fit to get married? Why judge by your standards whether I can do something or not?

A lot of people will be surprised to know that I can cook and say, "you can cook." Not only can I cook, but I'm also a good cook. Why do you think someone who smokes, drinks, tattoos, and reads Borges can't cook? Not only do I cook well, but my house is also neat and clean, my laundry detergent is divided into hand washing, machine washing, underwear, a down jacket, and a woolen sweater. My own life is in good order, and I can make money to support my family. I am kind, respect the old, love the young, the friends, the weak, and the weak, where am I not fit to get married? I don't get married because I don't want to marry or I don't want to marry you, not because you think I'm unfit to marry.

I think it's because they don't want to marry me or dare not marry me at all. They will choose a marriage that looks safer, a docile wife and mother, and a lot of money. They don't need a woman who is so unrestrained and independent-minded, but not like me. Of course, I will not choose such a traditional cowardly man as my partner, it is ridiculous, it will be a nightmare for me.

I suddenly find that we have all been imbued with a fixed pattern of marriage. I have seen all kinds of flies in marriage, as well as the template of standard wives in men's hearts. What makes us form such an idea? This model is accepted as a fact, but this model is not a scientific truth, not a mathematical equation, marriage and single life should not be a fixed pattern.

I am not an unmarried man, but marriage may be too important to me. I am not so cautious and timid about anything. I dare not bet on myself. I am afraid that I will be like my married friends for the rest of my life. I'm afraid I'll never be able to turn back. I'm afraid I'll be failed. I will envy people who are happily married, and I think I can also spend the rest of my life with people who love each other. On a sunny morning, he brushed his teeth and said to me, "it's a nice day, let's go and tear it off." then we have a good meal to celebrate and give our friends some candy. When we were old, my wife called me to go home for dinner, and I was so inseparable from others at chess in the park that he came and pulled me home angrily, holding my hand and swearing all the way.

I am not disgusted with this vulgar happiness, and I am grateful.

it is also because too many people have preconceived expectations that many married people begin to complain that they are beginning to spread the negative energy of all kinds of marriages because their marriage life is different from what they expected. All their wonderful passions were performed at the wedding. And we unmarried onlookers also feel that marriage is like this as if no one has ever been really happy, and there is more stress and loneliness after marriage.

who made the marriage a quagmire, let the people in the quagmire, let the outside people stop? It is not others, nor marriage, but themselves. they simply cannot create the marriage life they look forward to. they pin their hopes on the form of marriage, and they attribute their disappointment to the marriage life and the person who got married. but this person is his own choice, marriage is his own choice, the final chicken and dog jump is nothing more than his powerlessness for life.

many men have said that I am not approachable. I wonder how can I be approachable? I went to the vegetable market to bargain. I was stingy for every dime. I lived like an aged woman. I didn't read books or poems, or did I have children, filial piety, and gossip about my neighbors with a group of women? But this is not me, I am not very shrewd, can not handle trivial things, I really will not bargain, but I can buy good ingredients to make a rich dinner, I can also add incense to tea, I can teach my child to play chess, calligraphy, and poetry, I can teach her to know, independent and strong, I can give her all I have, but all this is not enough. I also want to give us a poetic world.

many people think that my ideas are unrealistic, but I have never followed any successful model. After I dropped out of school, my mother thought I had changed.No, my life is over. I can't find a job. I can only spend the rest of my life in poverty. But I didn't. I didn't rely on anyone. I got my first high-paying job on my own. I have not fallen into the dust. I have been doing what I like and loving people who like me.

too many people live according to other people's marriage model, they think this is reality, this is married life, just go step by step. Too many married people complain to me about the feathers and blood of marriage, and they say the same thing, even in the same tone.

I'm not unrealistic, but I think after measuring the reality, I think I can do what I expect. This does not necessarily mean that my marriage will be successful. my mother once advised me that I was very pessimistic about love and marriage at that time, she said. Even if there is a person who loves each other deeply now, he loves you and treats you well, but no one can guarantee that five or ten years later, people will change, but what does it matter? Yes, what does it matter? even if my marriage fails and my relationship breaks up, and I am still me, the past is only a journey I have experienced, and the future is still my own. If I am strong enough not to be affected and changed, I can still live a good and interesting life.

I think what we are always afraid of is other people's marriages, frustrated and afraid of our incompetence.