There are cracks in human nature, but that's where the light comes in.

(1)

I was an intern in a psychiatric hospital in Beijing many years ago. One day a female patient was admitted to the ward. After the patient was settled, the doctor had a more detailed conversation with his family as usual.

I sat in the slightly cramped office with the doctor, the fluorescent lamp was pale and pale, and the family members' faces were slightly sweaty. The doctor asked the patient in detail about his living condition, his home condition, his work condition, and his interpersonal situation. While talking, the doctor said coldly, "well, from that point of view, she began to get sick more than ten years ago." Why didn't you send it earlier? "

the family members were startled and their faces became frightened. Say, what? Do you mean she started getting sick more than ten years ago? Isn't she just a lesbian who is small-minded, tricky, and doesn't like to talk to people? We all thought it would be good to persuade her.

are you serious? Is she sick?

(2)

some friends came to play at home some time ago. I never bought all the furniture in my living room, so I spread a blanket on the floor. There were few places for people to sit together, so everyone had to bring wine and snacks to sit on the carpet.

there was a book on the treatment of borderline personality disorder thrown on the carpet. I probably fell asleep while lying on the carpet one weekend afternoon and threw it on the carpet. One of the friends asked, what is a borderline personality disorder? What is this in Chinese? what does it mean? is it common?

then a counselor friend talked about one of his friends. Often complain to him that his girlfriend is good to others, but to him, it is like dancing on the ice and fire, especially good and bad at the moment. If you don't dress according to her heart, you don't love her; when you look somewhere else, you don't love her; she wants him to love her wholeheartedly and accommodate her, and she can do anything for him, and if you don't love me, I'll die.

"she loves me so much that I keep coaxing her, accommodating her, and doing what she wants me to do. I feel suffocated myself, but I can't even soothe her "no sense of security". With her, one moment is heaven, another is hell. How can I appease her? "

my counselor friend said that he couldn't help telling his friend that it was probably a "marginal" feature and encouraged her to see a counselor. As a boyfriend, he can't solve these problems on his own, and he can't solve them even if he obeys her. it's not a matter of relationship, sometimes it's just the pain of her personality. Or to put it this way, her pain doesn't have much to do with you. No matter what you do, she will still feel the pain. Just think of it as a "disease".

"symptoms? She is very kind and capable to everyone else. How can you say that she may be ill? "

(3)

I wonder if my use of the word "patient" will scare you. The word "Patient" originally means "one who is suffering".

this is almost all of us. I remember the existentialist therapist Owen Yalong told a story that he and his wife often imagined classifying friends, such as "narcissistic" friends and "depressed" friends, who invited each kind of friend to gather around for dinner. However, only the "unhurt, must be very happy" friends, but can not think of one or two.

who can say that he is not suffering?

when we name these painful adaptive behaviors, we have a variety of names: "edge", "narcissism", "depression", "obsessive-compulsive". When we say those words, we are talking about ourselves and others who suffer in our hearts.

whether it is the great philosophical proposition of life, death, freedom, a sense of meaninglessness, the shackles brought to us by an era of social culture, or the "trauma" and "sense of insufficiency" that individuals feel in their families and relationships, we all need to face, metabolize and digest together.

when you acknowledge the pain, freedom has a chance to come.

(4)

Psychology is an extensive discipline. In a narrow sense, the discipline of "psychological counseling" will have a history of more than 100 years. It is too early to say who has eliminated whom and which theory is correct. But for more than 100 years, these theorists and researchers have exhausted their time and experience to construct how a person's soul is constructed, how a person's personality structure is formed, how it is constructed, how it develops, and how it is cured.

it's a field about people, about ourselves.

We all have a soul living in our bodies, and when it is violated, it builds armor for itself; when it is afraid, it traps itself in a place where it feels safe and stops; when it encounters pain, it forms a scab, and when it meets a nutrient, it takes a few steps forward; its formation has its process and rules.

it is not limited by physiology and does not follow the trend of the time.

so you will see an 18-year-old soul in the eyes of a 60-year-old woman, and a 5-year-old girl may have the gloom of a middle-aged man in her eyes. When the soul is explored and unfolded, the healthy part is elastic, and even if the painful part is wrapped in layers, time flows by, and the scars on the personality will not be healed by time but will be healed with each passing day.

like the family member, the woman I met in the hospital, the girlfriend of my friend's friend, and many people I met in my daily life. Everyone has different stories, but they have the same attributes. Many times we think we are making the "right" choice, but we constantly create similar dilemmas for ourselves: allowing ourselves to give up our feelings to satisfy others, dealing with our inner fragility with conceit and disdain, and using perfection to resist inner unease and anxiety.

so we often find ourselves in one place after another similar situation; fall into similar intimate relationships, feel the same sense of powerlessness in different interpersonal situations, and always feel guilty when enjoying it.

We don't necessarily call them "diseases", but we want to understand what drives us to make out-of-control choices in our personality structure, what hinders our growth, what we want, what we want, how to change, and how to be comfortable.

(5)

You'll be turning heads with our magical colelction of greek style wedding dresses. Your search is over - Adoringdress.com is the last online shop you will ever need when looking for that perfect dress.

Haruki Murakami said, "Pain is unavoidable. Suffering is optional ". It is inevitable to encounter pain in life, but we can choose whether or not to suffer.

Douban accompanied me for several years. In the past few years, I have experienced some important moments in my life, made some important decisions, made important friends, and faced a lot of emotions that were buried and avoided by myself. It's hard for me to say what kind of person I've become, but I know that my paranoid obsession with the results I want is no longer important; happiness and freedom are not fairy tales, but they are still slowly present in a long period of self-exploration.