Teach you how to cultivate self-confidence

self-confidence, self-confidence refers to the result of a positive evaluation of one's personality, psychology, and social role (from Baidu). In my feeling, self-confidence is an optimistic view of ourselves and a series of things that happen to us. What we are talking about in this article is how to change the situation of lack of self-confidence. Then what is a lack of self-confidence? in my understanding, lack of self-confidence is a negative mentality caused by a long period of failure experience, which greatly hinders our correct understanding of ourselves (expanding our shortcomings and reducing our strengths). It also greatly reduces our motivation and desire for success.

I divided the lack of self-confidence into three aspects according to the standard of content, one is the lack of confidence in one's own ability (problem-solving), the other is the lack of confidence in whether one is loved or not, and the third is the lack of confidence in one's physical characteristics, corresponding to a variety of failures.

Let's explain the causes, composition, and results of these three aspects respectively. The first is a lack of confidence in your ability (to solve problems). It can be speculated that the reason is that he failed when he encountered a problem (event) and tried to solve it when he was young, and he also suffered a series of failures in the face of other problems in the same period, which strengthened this failure experience. as a result, the victim has a feeling that he or she has little or no ability to solve the problem, in the later experience, The victim will show a kind of timidity when he encounters something, but the more afraid he is that he can't do it well, the worse he will be, and he will continue to strengthen this failure experience. when he grows up, he will show poor action, no concept of effort, and no sense of responsibility. I like to escape when I encounter things. Then why not work hard? it is because one of the important beliefs of efforts is to believe that their actions will make things better, but the victim does not believe that his efforts will make things better, and this lack of effort and inaction will lead to failure in solving the problem, and then continue to strengthen the consciousness of "I am incompetent" and become a vicious circle, and finally, the victim will completely become a loser of life and profession. My example: when I was a child, my father once asked me to ride a bike to my aunt's house to send something. By the way, he gave 50 yuan to my aunt, and the whole thing was given to my aunt, but how could I find 50 yuan? my feeling is why I am so unlucky. Why can't I do this little thing well? when there are many similar things, I can't do it. Later, in the two years after graduating from college, I have been changing jobs. In two years, I have changed more than 10 jobs, the longest three months, the shortest more than ten days, basically when I encountered problems at work, I gave up my resignation. The reason is that I am afraid to encounter problems because I think I cannot solve them, I am also afraid of failure, so I choose to escape, so I do not have to face failure. One of the presuppositions here is that as long as I encounter a problem, even if I try to solve it, I will still fail. This is the negative attitude here.

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the two are not confident about whether they are loved or not, and the result is an underestimation of their value. Often because I could not feel my parents' love for me when I was young, I began to wonder whether I would be loved by others and deserve to be loved by others. As a result, you can either completely close yourself off and not touch the matter of "love", or try your best to seek and retain the affirmation and love of the opposite sex (of the same sex), and because of the underestimation of your value. so it's easy to fall in love and get married to people whose objective conditions are not as good as their own. We will not cite any examples, and we will refer to them for your reference.

the three are not confident about their physiological characteristics. Have the experience of being ridiculed for their physical characteristics when they were young, try their best to hide this weakness when they grow up, or pay too much attention to their appearance. For example, my teeth are very irregular, and my teeth are typically congenital missing, with obvious gaps. I was often laughed at when I was a child, and then I thought it was not good-looking. I kept thinking about how to cover this shortcoming. Later, I found a way, that is, don't laugh, if you don't laugh, you won't see any difference in my teeth. So I have formed the habit of not loving to laugh, and as a result, a considerable number of people find me difficult to get along with.

the above three points, most of the examples I see in Douban are the second (those who are good in appearance, job, and education, but only those who stumble in intimate relationships), or both the second and the third, which are very rare to me. I would like to express my honor and thank CCTV and MTV for their love for me.

after talking about these three items, let's talk about the solution in detail. I think it can be divided into three aspects.

among them, I think the most important solution is to increase the successful experience and replace the past failure experience with our current successful experience, to change the negative mentality (change the wrong self-perception). This is the fundamental way. But how to increase the successful experience, the most important thing here is to keep trying, and the most basic characteristic of trying is to have the ability to act. Here, I have to say that action force is a great difficulty because action force has been slowly worn out in the process of constantly facing failure. After all, we feel that our attempts and efforts will not make things better. They will still face failure, so most people with no self-confidence subconsciously reject trying new things and efforts, so their action power will become more and more degraded. Therefore, the more experience of failure, the weaker the power of action. So this requires us to constantly remind ourselves to do and try. Of course, this will be a long-term and painful process. I hope you will be psychologically prepared.

two, give yourself a positive hint. It is divided into two directions, one is to give yourself positive hints, such as encouraging yourself to say "I can do it", "I can" and "I'm fine" when something happens. Two, make friends with people who can encourage, support, and praise yourself, and let this positive hintsSlowly affect you from your surroundings.

III, strengthen self-management and fulfill your agreement. Give me some goals every day, for example, I have three things to accomplish today, so at the end of the day, I will examine whether I have done it or not, and when I do it, I should give myself a reward to strengthen this kind of behavior. this advantage is to enhance the action force, the second will also enhance the sense of control over myself, and the third will also increase the successful experience. Of course, many people pay attention to setting goals, and the overall requirement is to set goals according to their situation, and in my feeling, a little anxiety is the best, because if you don't have any anxiety, you won't get a successful experience, and too much anxiety will dampen your motivation for action. for example, as long as I set too many goals before, I will be very anxious, as soon as I am anxious. My action power will be affected. Once affected, basically none of my goals for that day can be achieved. Instead, I will fall into a vicious circle.