Stay away from people who advise you to be generous.

01

I don't know my suffering.

don't persuade me to be magnanimous

to go shopping with my mother a few days ago. I saw a young couple quarreling, surrounded by scattered people watching.

the woman looks very angry, tears are brewing in her eyes, and she wants to leave right away.

the man took her by the hand and begged, "just forgive me this time. I'll never dare again."

the woman didn't want to listen to the man, so she turned her head and said coldly, "you let me go, I'll never believe you again."

the man was in a hurry, got down on his knees and said hurriedly,'it's true this time. Don't leave me. What will I do if you leave?'

I was about to leave with my mother, but I heard a man shouting: "Girl, please forgive him, he is a big man kneeling to you."

then voices began to persuade: "Yes, live a magnanimous life, don't be so fussy, forgive him."

as if lit by this sentence, the woman looked back at the speaker, choked up and exclaimed

"none of you understand the situation, so I can forgive you for everything." Every day when something goes wrong, he loses his temper at me and yells at me, and I often prevent him from pinching me and hitting me. "

she seems to have too much suffering to tell, but after a pause, she still has no choice to go on.

"Don't persuade me to be magnanimous if you don't know my suffering."

as I was leaving, I sighed when I heard this. The afterglow of the corner of the eye saw the hand that the woman was pulled by the man, which had become red.

the mother sighed while walking:

"they all stand up and talk without pain, and they judge casually if they don't know what others have experienced. Everyone will say to be kind and magnanimous, but when the person involved is himself, he won't think of it at all. Even if forgiveness is difficult, why do you have to be a kind and generous person all the time? "

Yes, there are always people who think that "how big a thing is", "it's good to let go", "it's a blessing to suffer losses", but it's not against them.

people who have really experienced things know that some injuries break their hearts when they touch them. Why should bystanders pretend to be magnanimous with the light words of onlookers?

I can't pretend or forgive. Even if one day I have no resentment at all, but that is to let myself go and have nothing to do with others. I don't want to hear a word of those insincere exhortations. They are like a handful of salt, sprinkling on my unhealed wound, making me feel pain again, but also carrying the moral burden of "not magnanimous enough".

02

is not anything, and

is worth forgiving

Zhihu to see a true story of the respondent.

the respondent is a cancer patient. When he first found out, he was short of money, because the spare money had been used to invest and manage money before, and could not be taken out in a short period of time.

the respondent decided to borrow money from his sister and brother, but what was chilling was that the elder sister felt that the respondent had money, so she did not lend it to her. And the younger brother, did not even see each other.

as a single mother with an 8-year-old child, the respondent was not knocked out. A man went to the hospital to overdraw his credit card for seven times of chemotherapy, but did not recover after the operation, so he was pulled back to the hospital by 120 and had a second operation.

before and after hospitalization for 10 times, neither sister nor brother came to see her.

later, I replied that the main illness was cured, but my sister and brother both came. The sister said that her son wanted to study abroad and wanted to borrow some money from her. The younger brother said that the child was getting older, and the couple had to work and wanted to take the child to the old father.

at that time, the old father lived with the respondent and was already in his seventies. On the surface, he asked the old father to take care of the child, but in fact, he pushed the child to the respondent.

the respondent was so heartbroken that he ignored them. Even if they come to make noise at home, they are not at all soft-hearted. All the relatives around her said that she should not be so ruthless and be magnanimous.

the Lord laughed and said, "you know what has happened to me, and you persuade me to be magnanimous."

of course it's easy to move your mouth. Everyone will stand on the moral high ground, saying that they should be good, tolerant, magnanimous and kind, but can the bystanders keep their words every time?

even the person who asked for help did not show that no one could be forgiven, so how could the person pretend that nothing had happened and have to go up and be the "Virgin Mary" with a smile?

really, not everything deserves to be forgiven. Not anyone deserves to be tolerated. It is magnanimous to be able to avoid retaliation and resentment.

even if one day you become a better yourself, it is definitely not because of the magnanimity and forgiveness in the face of injury, nor is it ever the advice that is blind and hard of hearing.

as Zhang Shaohan said in the complaint meeting:

"I don't appreciate the people who hurt me. Hurt is hurt. Without these injuries, I would be stronger, because not only am I born inspirational, but I am also born strong."

03

stay away from people who advise you to be magnanimous

Mr. Lu Xun wrote an essay "death" before his death, which mentioned leaving seven admonitions to relatives.

one of them is: damage other people's teeth, but oppose revenge, and those who advocate tolerance should never get close to him.

it is obvious that those who hurt others but oppose revenge and advocate tolerance should stay away from him as far as possible.

No one stipulates that no matter what happens, tolerance is the only rule.

those who advise you to be magnanimous in everything, which one is really thinking for you?

Guo Degang also said: "in fact, I hate those people who make you magnanimous if they don't understand anything. You have to stay away from him."

there is no real empathy in this world, but as a slightly sympathetic bystander, it is time to understand how painful it is to be needled.

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words are too easy to say, but they hurt people in the invisible. Sometimes you have to hold back your tears when you are already in a lot of pain, but you still have to stand up and deal with those who are so-called "for your own good".

but the real "for your own good" and the real "exhortation" should not be words that sound nice on the surface, but in fact there is no substantive help at all.

our tolerance is precious. Don't waste it on people who are not worth it.

our time is also precious, so don't get close to those who stand up and talk without pain.

maybe, with the passage of time, we will choose to let it go one day.

but at that time, you should thank yourself the most.

finally, the flower of fate blossoms out of the suffering, no longer punish yourself for other people's mistakes, kind and brave, strong and beautiful.

remember: stay away from people who advise you to be generous in everything. It is necessary to be magnanimous, but magnanimity is divided into different people. You can choose to be tolerant, but don't be tolerant of everything.