Pour your heart out for the rest of your life-4

six. 

I don't have any other friends, so I have nowhere to go. 

I went back to the cafe, where at least there was hot water to drink. 

Dou Youqing did not come to the store recently. I have been nesting here in the afternoon until I am the only one left. 

I was hungry a long time ago, and I didn't want to be busy, so I put the closing time forward by half an hour. 

Wrapped in a thick sweater of Su Qing I found in the store and wearing an exaggerated Christmas hat, it looks very funny. 

With only a few yuan left in my pocket, I could only buy dry bread. I sat outside on the bench to eat, accompanied by the cold wind. 

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This is not enough to eat. I looked at the whole busy street and searched it with my eyes. There was nothing to get for free except a bag of biscuits at my feet. 

The independently packaged cookie seems to have been crushed. 

The bag was covered with mud and I noticed it as soon as I came out. 

I relieved my hunger by holding my breath, but to no avail. 

I bent down and picked up the bag of cookies with two fingers. 

I just wanted to see what kind of cookie it was, but the next second it was snatched by a hand, and I watched helplessly as the owner of my hand threw it into the dustbin. 

No, I actually kind of want to eat. 

I shouted in my heart. 

As soon as I looked up, I met Dou Youqing's bright eyes. 

He frowned and asked, "Is that what you're going to eat?" 

As soon as he appeared, he looked like a scolding face, but when his eyes stayed on the top of my head, his expression became indescribable. 

This time I was brought home by Dou Youqing, and I no longer had to be guessed by him to use his family with ulterior motives. 

He apologized to me and turned the heat in the car to the maximum. I finally took off my Christmas hat and nodded to accept his apology. 

When Aunt Jiang saw me coming back, she quietly winked at me when Dou Youqing was not present, with a "you rest assured" expression. 

I smiled gratefully. 

Aunt Jiang made me delicious food. Dou Youqing watched me finish eating and gave me her room to sleep. 

It's rare to take care of me like this, even though he's just trying to make amends. 

I washed briefly and lay awake on Dou Youqing's big bed. 

I don't know when it began to fall outside the window, Lesser Snow, which is the third snow this year. 

I got up to look and sighed how time passed. 

After watching for a while, I opened the bedroom door to pour water, only to see Dou Youqing unexpectedly. 

He sat on the floor of the living room without turning on the light, and there were several wine bottles on the coffee table. 

He was drunk. 

Outside the huge floor-to-ceiling window, the whole city is brightly lit and magically gorgeous. 

By the light, I saw a slight redness in his eyes. 

I went over and sat down. He glanced at me and handed me a can of beer. 

I took a sip without rashly opening my mouth. 

After a while, he handed over another letter. 

The white letterhead is as neat as new. When I unfold it, there are only a few lines: 

I said I wanted to have a girl, and it should have come true by now. 

If you are not married, I hope it is not because of me, otherwise, my conscience will be uneasy, but it will not be like this all the time. 

There is no need to be nostalgic in the past. 

I'm 29 years old. 

I don't know what this is. 

Dou Youqing became talkative and seemed to hide mountains and water in his eyes. 

The letter comes from his ex-girlfriend Yoshiko Kino, a Japanese girl studying in China. 

Like all lovers who love each other deeply, their memories of them are as vivid and strong as wine. 

In the end, when they went to the United States for further study, Yoshiko Kino broke his promise and disappeared like a drop of water into the sea. 

"do you know people with hypermnesia?" 

He asked me. 

Kino told him a story. 

Someone asked A, a hypermnesia, what he would have done before he knew when he was going to die. 

A has had such an excellent memory since childhood that he won't forget any details. 

He was treated as a monster by his friends when he was young and was envied and isolated by his peers when he grew up. 

A was lonely until a girl approached him. 

This feeling is wonderful, they are not lovers, but A thinks this is his love. 

But the girl left him later, 34 days later in a year. 

A said that if he could know the date of his death, he would lie in bed 34 days a year earlier, and the rest of the time would be spent fully recalling his short time with her. 

Hyperamnesia sounds sad. 

"am I like A? 

I knew her when I was 21. She left after four years of love. I am 29 years old this year. " 

Dou Youqing asked me. 

He loved her for four years and spent another four years immersing himself in an old dream, living on memories like a believer. 

She left me this letter before she left for me to read it when I was 29. 

She was afraid that I could not let her go, and she especially gave me a letter after four years to cut off my thoughts. 

As we said, it's a terrible thing to be unmarried at the age of 29. 

I thought I could marry her right after graduation. 

How cruel she is. " 

He smiled. "my birthday is on October 19th." 

It happened to be the day I met you, but I didn't dare to open it at that time. " 

I remembered that he was sitting in his usual seat that day, with a goblet and a bottle of red wine on the table. I didn't know what brand it was. 

The light there was dim, which showed that his features were deep and melancholy. 

He was in a bad mood that day, and I maliciously speculated whether he was emotionally frustrated. 

I remembered what he said in front of Gu Ying's ward: "maybe she just can't accept that her lover is leaving from now on, whether she is a liar or something, it is far less important." 

Think of the bottom line of indifference when he is directed against the opposite sex. 

It turns out that the reason is like this. 

I looked up and drank a mouthful of wine, and I didn't know what it was like. 

I heard myself asking his voice, "are you getting married?" 

Dou Youqing was silent for a long time, and finally, as if he had made up his mind, he gently put the letter back, folded it, and said, "tie the knot." 

So I asked him, "what do you think of me?"