Maybe one day I have the sun all over the sky, but I wake up in the dark night.

there is a sentence in the ancient poem, "the BMW carved car is full of fragrant road", which is used to describe the slope behind our art school. Every weekend, when we walk back to the dormitory with a bath basket and a head of wet hair, looking at the ball of beautiful cigarettes curling down the hill, at first we marvel, then we feel boundless. How to get a young girl to give up relying on men for everything seems to have no choice but to be repeatedly humiliated by fate.

We mean me, Xiao Lai and embroidery. There are no more sophisticated students than us who study art. Half a semester after our sophomore year, the dormitory is half empty. Young people either sharpen their heads and go out to make money.

the three of us belong to the regular and unmotivated type, spending most of our spare time fooling around in the bar on Hengshan Road and serving as a wine stooge to the boss. We specialize in art: Xiaolai belongs to the otaku goddess, I am controlled by the uncle, as for embroidery, she does not come to make money, Tuhao embroidery loves to find boyfriends on these occasions, and we can't stop anyone who is targeted to drink.

embroidery recently there is a suitor who is always surrounded by a group of post-90s. When I saw Chen Feibai, it dawned on me that people with successful careers have all kinds of hobbies, some like luxury goods, some live in buildings, some hang out with starlets. Chen Feibai's hobby is to hang out with young people, and he is interested in what they are popular and sought after. He is also generous, and everyone always has a gift when he comes back from a business trip. One of them is always the most expensive and best, given to embroidery. The embroidery was ungrateful and threw it all to me. I sold it at a 20% discount and made a lot of ill-gotten gains. Late at night in the dormitory to open a big pink fan to count, embroidered lazy in my bed to watch American TV series, smiled and asked me: "have money so happy?"

"you're not happy if you have money!"

what is unhappy is Chen Feibai, who ate embroidered embroidery and came to school to ask me for crayfish. Did not eat, sitting opposite me buried in drink, I ate full of hot oil, no one to speak is really too embarrassed, I sighed: "you and embroidery are not suitable." Unlike me, she doesn't give a green light to money, she likes handsome guys. "

"am I not handsome?"

"you are a handsome guy at dusk, red at sunset." I burped contentedly and thought about my small business. "you went abroad recently. Bring me some LV. The more logo, the better to sell."

Chen Feibai staggered to his feet and narrowed his eyes: "Kong Zhen, are you also the kind of person who loves money?"

his face showed the contempt I was used to, and I said, "Yes, I love money. There are too many benefits of money."

for example, if you pursue a beautiful woman who is more than ten years younger than you, no one will say that your toad wants to eat swan meat; if I have money and I fall in love with a rich second generation, no one will say that I am doing it for his money.

Chen Feibai, who reached out to stop a taxi and left, would not know.

half a month later, Chen Feibai came back from the United States and brought me three bags as promised, as well as our gifts. Embroidery and Xiaolai are perfumes. I am a hello kitty computer. When I took it out of his bag, everyone smiled, and I gave him a big white eye.

relying on Chen Feibai, I sold dozens of bags back and forth and got the first bucket of gold in my life, just enough to buy that person an H-belt. Then who is my ex-boyfriend? everyone says that I am doing it for his money. If I talk too much, I can't tell whether it is because of the money or because of the happiness. Later, when we broke up, tenderness seemed to be in front of us, but in the twinkling of an eye, I became the person he hated most. I was slower than him, and within a week, he had a new girl in his car. After that, I was used to seeing boys in the dark, and gradually became disheartened. But the only thing I didn't forget was that I told someone that as long as I had money, I would be nice to him. Calculate the kindness of the acquaintance, so the surging crowd, he picked out the gray me and put on a pair of crystal slippers for me.

I found out who had the birthday box and asked the waiter to take the present in. I waited at the door for a while, but no one came out. I heaved a long sigh, relaxed all over, humming slowly to school, eyes wet, saying not sad is false, but we have to have such a farewell ceremony, blocking the retreat to death, we can only go forward, and never look back.

unexpectedly, Chen Feibai was waiting for me below the dormitory. With a cold face, I returned the VIP card at the counter. He glanced at me and said, "did you spend it all?"

"money is not meant to be spent."

"black sheep."

"it's called starting all over again even if you run out of money." I gave him a piece of pineapple, sat down lazily by the flower bed, kicked high heels and began to eat. He got out of the car and stood in front of me. The street lamp cast his shadow on me. I suddenly became fragile and burst into tears.

he said: silly girl. "

I replied, "you're not stupid. You're not stupid. You're still single in your thirties."

"I picked up all the cold branches and refused to live."

Chen Feibai, who was "Bah" by me, put down the embroidery completely a week later, because I don't know which stupid post-00s suggested him to pick up girls if you are the one, which spoiled our group of relatives and friends, practicing pronunciation and performing hard for the impression of dozens of seconds of friends in VCR. Luckily, embroidery, Xiao Lai and I fully supported Chen Feibai's facade when we were born in Koban.

We took a big box at KTV, and a large group of people sat together in a noisy way to watch Chen Feibai's appearance. On TV, he was dressed in a modified Mao suit, gentle and elegant, giving people a very wonderful feeling. And he himself sat calmly beside us, sipping the wine, alone, without bringing back a girl. The main responsibility still lies with our relatives and friends. I wanted to promote and suppress it first, but I didn't expect it to be cut beyond recognition by the choreographer and director, especially the preface to the paragraph I said.Without hindsight, the central meaning became "people have a lot of stupid money, girls come on", and all the lights went out in an instant.

We felt sorry, looked at each other, stood up, brought the wine and apologized to Chen Feibai. He smiled and drank one by one, and it was my turn to be the last one. He put down his glass and pointed his index finger to me: "Kong Zhen, you have to take full responsibility." You pay me a girlfriend. "

as soon as I closed my eyes, I fell down on the sofa and got drunk into a dead dog.

after that, Chen Feibai and we were a little estranged and didn't get together for a month. In Xiao Lai's words, we are turning the page, and we can do what we have to do. During the winter vacation of my sophomore year, I was the last to go home, stay in Shanghai for several auto show shows, and came out wrapped in a down jacket covered with my feet. It was cold outside, and several sisters were shouting to eat midnight snacks. I bounced on the ground, shouted cold, and turned around. I saw Chen Feibai standing there in a black coat with his hands in his pockets and standing there like a model.

I haven't seen you for months, but I was so moved that I almost rushed to the bear to hug him, but held back and smiled foolishly at him.

I caught the train in the middle of the night and there was no time for dinner, so he had to accompany me back to school to pack my bags. The dormitory was empty and the dust in the air was slowly weaving a faint-smelling net. Chen Feibai sat a little timidly in front of the embroidered desk. I hit a washbasin of Scald and stood for three days. I had war feet, bright fingernails, thick calluses, like my life, the gray foundation, and the appearance of prosperity, so every time I went back to my hometown, it made me sad, because I was beaten back to the prototype.

I asked him to pass me a towel and a band-aid, but he reached out and picked up my foot, gently wiping it dry, and rubbing the hard cocoon with his thumb.

"it's ugly, isn't it?" I smiled awkwardly.

he looked up at me and said, "Kong Zhen, don't be bad."

he drove me to Shanghai Station, silent all the way, only the heavy night and the faint radio station, "some people forget, some people cry, what kind of future, you can clap your hands …". " I turned my face out of the window and felt sour.

I received an unsigned package in my hometown on New year's Eve. It was a pair of soft lambskin flats. The broken skin had already healed. I put on the cream and gently put my foot into the shoe.

after the New year, I returned to Shanghai for an appointment. I was scheduled to meet at the overpass in front of Chen Feibai's house. As a result, there were two flyovers there, and suddenly there was a rainstorm. He shouted on the phone, "stay there. I'll come and find you." I could not help it, a heart beat violently, rushed into the rain to find him, and then we bumped into each other at the intersection, all drenched, but foolishly happy, the rain made my face hurt, and he hid me in his arms.

there is no growing affection, no ambiguity, no confession, we are suddenly together, like a sudden heavy rain, like a person died suddenly. Is the fate of a knife, no notice, only solid experience.

Xiaolai and embroidery said at first, "Kong Zhen, you are putting a hoop spell on Sun Monkey's head." Later, when I saw my wailing in those years, I lost my words. Until graduation scattered, several sporadic reunions, they all picked up new things in the crowd, only I was still entangled with Chen Feibai. After embroidery asked me, I didn't regret it, but I couldn't answer it. Although I knew that this love had been defeated from the very beginning, he was the best person I had ever met when I was young. Like before, I must be kind to him when I am rich, and love him desperately when I have no money.

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I can never miss Chen Feibai. When no one answered the phone, I sat on the floor and made dozens of calls, and finally got through. "Kong Zhen, I was just socializing," he said in a tired voice at the other end. " Holding a hot cell phone, I stopped a car to go out, looked for several clubhouses he used to visit one by one, and crouched next to his car when I found it, waiting for him to come out like a stray dog. Several times he was angry, turned a blind eye, drove away, only to come back half an hour later, frowning and holding me in his arms.

the most difficult time was in my senior year. I couldn't stand his constant socializing. He couldn't bear that I always lived on youth for a living. Big quarrels, cold war and reconciliation became our endless cycle. At the height of the quarrel, I drove him out of the house late at night. He went downstairs angrily, pulled the car motor loudly, roared away, rumbled around the downstairs of the community for several times, and finally there was no sound. There was a loud thunder in the middle of the night, and when he went out the next day, flowers fell on the ground. Chen Feibai's car was parked quietly under the tree with pink petals. He lowered his seat and fell asleep. I sadly lying on the windowpanes, shed tears, we still have a lot of feelings, but we can not get along.

I am determined to calm down for a while, although the calmness between us has long been a wolf, and no one will believe it.

but Chen Feibai left the next day and flew directly to long Beach in the Philippines. I learned from his staff a few days later that he had been gone for more than a month. I was scared for him at first until I had to accept the fact that I was quietly dumped by him. Embroidery and Xiaolai accompanied me to drink wine in the middle of the night, and finally they all hugged and cried together. I don't know who they thought of.

the school was empty, most of the seniors went out for internships, some signed the company, some took the job as a gunman, and some switched to an advertising agency. I packed my bags and went to Beijing with Xiao Lai. In such a big city, there is room for the most ambitious politicians, and naturally a few people who are out of their minds can be taken in. I was almost like a standing horse on the ground, holding on to what would make my feet stand. I love Beijing, ignore its haze, traffic jams, sky-high prices of the house, pure love its mind, vastness and warmth. Just like I used to love that person, just because he has green eyes to me; I love Chen Feibai and the warmth he gave me that winter. I always seem to be like this, with a grateful heart to love a person, no wonder I am looked down upon by others.

however, there is a saying that makes people sad: the mountains and seas that you love are not flat. Talked about the regret and frustration in love. When he reached the age when he could understand Li Zongsheng, he could not get it and lost it. He was stuck in the bottom of his heart, and he adored the past and could not turn back.

at the end of 2013, old friends gathered in Shanghai to hear something about Chen Feibai and learned that the month he disappeared a few years ago was because he took several couples to long Beach for an island wedding. He was detained by the local government as an illegal immigrant for more than a month. When he came back, he was busy stopping his losses. By the time he finally thought of looking for me, everything was irreparable. Change a city and change a number, I have become a needle in a sea of people.

"at that time, it was hard to resist. When you left, the company was out of shape. You couldn't sleep all night. Even if your hair was shaved short, you could see the white hair." Goodbye Chen Feibai's voice is low, there is no regret but helplessness.

We can't complain about that year, when love and love are gone. One day, one day.

the older Chen Feibai and the more sophisticated Kong Zhen sit in the carriage in silence, the climate is desolate and cold, but they are the bright stars of the day, flowing into a river.

there is still a disc I used to carve for him in the car, and his favorite Chen Sheng sings faintly: "maybe one day I will have the sun all over the sky, but I will wake up in the dark night.". " I remember when I was 23 years old, I put up a pair of sunglasses on the bridge of my nose, turned on the loudest stereo, stepped on the fiercest throttle, and galloped happily on the widest road in Shanghai. He was also with him at that time, holding a can of cold beer and a white shirt with an open collar, as young as a teenager. How happy we were at that time.

thinking of the past, I looked out of the window and burst into tears. Chen Feibai stopped the car and stroked my head with a broad palm. "I'm not as good as I used to be, but you're getting better and better," Chen Feibai said. Kong Zhen, you have to move on and don't look back. "

later, he really went from bad to worse. Only the embroidery left in Shanghai had a little news about him, saying that after the introduction of the eight principles, his company was badly hit, leaving only two people. I listened on the phone, feeling desolate.

the day I met Chen Feibai in Beijing was my most high-spirited day in recent years. I got a raise, went to 4S store to pick up a new car, and took a group of friends to eat hot pot to celebrate. I suddenly saw him in the hot pot restaurant and bent down to make a toast, one after another white, like a young boy, begging for a living on the wine table, his face wrinkled with wind and frost.

like the past, he had to catch the midnight train back. I drove him to the airport. I didn't know the way. I drove the wrong way several times. Before I got the card, I turned straight back and ran a red light. He sat quietly by the side, without saying that I was reckless, humming drunkenly, as if we had never quarreled, missed, or separated, time-forgiving, and all mistakes could be corrected at will because we were not on the card.

he said to me, "Kong Zhen, take care." At this time he looked decadent and much older, like saying goodbye. I don't know if he felt anything missing when he said goodbye to me. I have, at that moment, I know that my youth is over. Then there is another stage, a man and a woman, hiding their bad and all the things they dream about in the middle of the night to spend the rest of their lives.

I stayed in the parking lot for a long time, and there was not a star in the night sky of Beijing this night. I have no company, and I have no time to turn back. Youth is like a heavy snow, in the vast expanse of whiteness, there is nothing left.

after leaving me, he also grew old safely in his own years.