How to pretend to eat tomatoes often

this article is dedicated to the prostate and all children who do not want to grow up. Do you have that kind of very simple friend, believe in love, believe in human nature, believe that the red scarf is dyed with blood, believe that he is just rubbing, do not go in. My friend Wang Rui is such a person. Wang Rui is a great man. He is 1.87 meters tall, weighs 190 jin, has wide shoulders and long hands, and is said to be able to close the left and right doors of the car at the same time. His buttocks are even bigger as a result of long-term practice of squatting. Wang Rui looks like a statue of Guan Yunchang in Wuhou Temple, but he is so simple that he is often hurt by men, women and children in love and work, but he is unrepentant and never has to guess anyone maliciously. He is like the Peter Pan in Disney legend who never wants to grow up, a 190 jin Peter Pan. Wang Rui rented a studio in an office building on Shamianqiao Street in Chengdu and had a lot of trouble in the stock market. He said that the stock market is the concentrated embodiment of human nature. I can handle this. Why don't you believe I can handle human nature? I love my job, I love my friends, I love this city. Chengdu is my forever island. For me, Chengdu has never been my island of eternity, because my island of eternity must first have a sheep kidney. You already know this, so I won't repeat it. The next story is about how Yongwu Island completely broke Peter Pan's heart and lost the 190 jin boy on the island forever. Just after graduation, Wang Rui was still playing Renren. He met a female friend named Yang Xiaocao on Renren. Yang Xiaocao was my friend at first, but she is good at breaking one by one, adding all my male friends in just one month, including Wang Rui, who is extremely low-key on social networks. Wang Rui's Renren home page at that time had nothing but a few self-pity logs, but the social magic man Yang Xiaocao did not let him go, which made him flattered. I have a prejudice against Yang Xiaocao because her means of accosting have reached such a level: "classmate, are you from Beijing?" "I'm not!" Oh, I'm not from Beijing either. what a coincidence. " I don't think it's a serious thing for a woman to talk to a man everywhere like a headless fly. But Wang Rui scoffed at my prejudices, saying that his Renren profile portrait was untidy and looked like a boiler burner, but Yang Xiaocao still added him as a friend, which shows that Yang Xiaocao pays attention to the spiritual world and is a woman with connotation. Yang Xiaocao was the first woman on Renren to take the initiative to add Wang Rui as a friend. Wang Rui felt that he was like Peter Pan who met Wendy, or Liu Xuande met Zhuge Liang, who was about to create a good talk, and he was going to tie the knot with Yang Xiaocao. regardless of Yang Xiaocao's internal and external conditions are very limited. Wang Rui taught me that when Liu Xuande took care of the thatched cottage, he did not have an inch of land and relied on others. Zhuge Liang did not dislike others, so what reason did he have to dislike Yang Xiaocao? "We are friends in need." Wang Rui concluded. Speaking of which, I have to mention the conditions of Yang Xiaocao. Now friends like to score, but I think Yang Xiaocao's temperament can not be reflected by the data. Her face is pale, her chin is as sharp as a knife, and it is said that Rest does not remove eyeliner and pillow makeup.

she always wears a bright red chiffon dress, whether in the scorching heat or in the cold winter, which is so dazzling that I often think that she is standing alone in her skirt instead of wearing it on her body. How do you rate this? If you are a postmodern artist or a bard, you may give her a score of 10. After all, beauties are everywhere, but there can only be one Yang Xiaocao. Wang Rui formed a friend in need with such a woman, regardless of public opinion. I asked him, is it love between you and Yang Xiaocao? He shook his head and said that they had not even held hands. He said that Yang Xiaocao's heart was as white as her foundation, and he could not find defects with a magnifying glass. I can't believe that according to folk rumors, Yang Xiaocao is a woman who does not give way to eyebrows, dares to compete with Crown Hope and does not concede an inch of points to Zong Rui. It is strange that she and Wang Rui respect each other. I asked Wang Rui, haven't you heard the gossip about her? Wang Rui thought about it and said that Yang Xiaocao once sent an MMS to a friend of mine in real estate, showing a picture of herself in scantily clad clothes, and my friend snitched on me at that time. But he comforted me that it happened to be Thunder that night, and the mobile signal was not good, which may have led to the loss of data packets during information transmission, so there were fewer clothes in the picture. I haven't been able to speak for a long time. Yang Xiaocao is inseparable from Wang Rui, and her private life is rich and colorful, but she never shares it with Wang Rui. Wang Ruiben is a passive man in the emotional world. He is used to one woman after another coming and going, but he never stops. But this time he really can't stand his friends in need and abandon him as soon as they know their rich friends. He took the initiative to send a text message to Yang Xiaocao, asking her if she could come out to meet him. "I'm having a party with eggplant friends at Cuba Night. You can come over if you want." Yang Xiaocao replied by text message. Wang Rui could not surf the Internet at that time, so he sent me a message asking what my eggplant friend meant and asked me to help him with Baidu. I was doing everything in my daily life, so I said to him absent-mindedly, "eggplant friends are friends who get together to eat tomatoes." Two minutes later he asked me if he could help him ask on the Internet how to pretend to eat tomatoes often. I gave up my work and found an entry for tomato in Baidu Encyclopedia. The efficacy column read: for men, tomatoes play a significant role, and lycopene can prevent prostate cancer. So I reasoned that the reason why eggplant friends get together to eat tomatoes is that they have a bad prostate, so they regularly ingest lycopene collectively to enhance the function of the prostate. I told this information to Wang Rui, who was very excited and claimed that his uncle died of prostate cancer. He had seen it since childhood and was well versed in maintenance. Now he has found the organization. Wang Rui set off happily to meet Yang Xiaocao and her eggplant friends. He said he was going to buy it at the vegetable market on the way.A few good tomatoes as a welcome gift, I advised him not to do so. People may not be allowed to bring their own tomatoes on that occasion, which may charge you 10% of the service charge. "those of you who engage in IT are the consciousness of small farmers." Wang Ruicai taunted me angrily. When he left, I imagined him hanging out with his prostate patients. People listened to Wang Ruitong and Chen Jiashi with tears in their eyes, and when they heard the emotion, they grabbed a tomato about the size of Wang Rui's ass and stuffed it into their mouths one after another and chewed it wordlessly. Yang Xiaocao asked pitifully, "will I get prostate cancer one day?" "No, women don't have a prostate. You can only get uterine cancer. Of course, this is just a hypothesis, not necessarily true." Wang Rui's witty answer moved everyone present, and the eggplant friends took the opportunity to shout tacitly: "together!" Together! " Yang Xiaocao covered the womb and bowed his head shyly. I woke up from my imagination and found that Wang Rui, who did not know when he had come back, stood pale in front of me. I was startled, and there were several kinds of human tragedies in my mind. For example, Yang Xiaocao was actually an organ dealer. She tricked Wang Rui to the eggplant club, which was actually a living laboratory. The criminals were already ready. they buried sweat medicine in the tomato to make Wang Rui fall asleep, and then cut off his prostate. I nervously touched the bottom of Wang Rui, not as if I had just had prostate surgery. He angrily pushed my hand away, his eyes resentful, and I asked him what was wrong. He sat down slumped, his big ass stuck in the sofa and told me the story that had just happened. The following is Wang Rui's recollection: when I arrived at Cuba Night, I found it was a luxuriously decorated place, with old red wine in the closet and eggplant friends sitting on the sofa in twos and threes, lazily tasting cigars. I couldn't help but get more nervous, and there was a bump of deer in my heart. I think the foreplay is so high-end. Can I have a good look at the tomatoes I bring? So I was ashamed to hide the tomato in my trouser pocket, even though it made my ass look big. as you know, it was already big, so I didn't care if it was any bigger. Although he looks down and out, when it comes to buttocks, Wang Rui is full of pride. (I sat down next to the bar. I couldn't find Yang Xiaocao and didn't reply to her by texting her. I only looked around bored and found a middle-aged man with gold-rimmed glasses sitting next to me, with a wide eye distance. I remembered that I had a distant niece who was born with Down syndrome because her parents were next of kin. Her eyes were as wide as his, and she could not buy the right glasses and could not see. I thought that the middle-aged patient's glasses must have been customized, so I enthusiastically leaned over to consult the patient, pointed to his glasses and asked where they were made. "Patagas-Solomon." He replied vaguely, sucking on his cigar. I nodded sympathetically, thinking that this man even looked and behaved like my cousin. I never understood that they had their own language system. At this time, someone suddenly patted me on the shoulder. I looked back and saw a bright red dress. There was still a person standing in the dress. It turned out to be Yang Xiaocao! She smiled and asked me what secret I told people. I pulled her aside and whispered to her that I thought people with bad prostate came here, but I didn't expect to be mentally retarded. She spanked me angrily and said what are you talking about! Then she asked me what treasure I had hidden in my ass, so I had to whisper to her that I was going to surprise everyone later. "really? Is it made in Cuba? " Yang Xiaocao looked at me with delight and smiled so much that eyeliner flew into the sideburns. I had never seen her look so close to me. Before I could answer, the music stopped, and a DJ who looked a bit like Shu Qi picked up the microphone and said, "Welcome to Cuba Night. Today is World Men's Health Day. Don't forget to do some health care while having fun." There was a smirk off the stage. I heard the "Men's Health Day" and the laughter of people, and excitedly thought, it is estimated that we will start eating tomatoes in a few minutes. No wonder everyone is so excited. I think most of these upper-class eggplant friends only eat peeled tomatoes, so I asked the waiter for a glass of boiled water and soaked the tomatoes so that they could be peeled easily. As I walked to the bathroom with a cup soaked in tomatoes, I heard several women whisper along the way: "I've never seen anyone put such a big tomato in a glass that I'm afraid of mixing up with others. Why not put a watermelon?" is this guy sick? "it could be a mental handicap." When I heard that I was mentally retarded, I didn't get angry. I just frowned and kept my eyes closer. I stared at the eggplant friends and signaled them to pay attention to the distance between my eyes. Facts speak louder than words. In this way, I went to the bathroom and was peeling the tomatoes when I heard two friends chatting in the cubicle. The content seemed to be about Yang Xiaocao, and the language was very vulgar and obscene. In short, they claimed that they had received an ugly selfie from Yang Xiaocao's MMS, and they obviously wanted to have an affair with themselves. At that time, I thought they must be bragging, not to mention that China Mobile could not lose data packets every time, what did she have an affair with you? Do you have tomatoes every day? I peeled the tomato and went back to my seat gloomily. I found that the patient with Down syndrome was talking on the microphone. He was able to speak fluently, introducing himself as the president, and he put his arms around Yang Xiaocao as he spoke, in a very intimate manner. He said that Yang Xiaocao was the most talented woman he had ever met, whether it was red wine or cigars. He said that once at a dinner, the women present were talking about famous-brand bags that had been shopping in Europe, and only one person distinguished himself in tasting the wine and wrote down every change in the taste of red wine on a pad of paper with a pen. That woman is Yang Xiaocao. The eggplant friends applauded with thunderous applause, and Yang Xiaocao modestly motioned to everyone to be at ease and leisurely added that the price of wine missed by those silly women showing off their bags at the dinner table was enough for them to buy 20 bags each. The president raised it.The cigar in his hand, Yang Xiaocao is like this Cuban Patagas-Solomon, rich in flavor, ever-changing, and always gives people a different kind of surprise. As he proudly picked up Yang Xiaocao's chin, but may have retracted his hand because he was pinched a little pain, Yang Xiaocao turned his head shyly, and the light hit her in the face, so miserably white and bright that it seemed to be the second light source in the room. The president smiled with satisfaction, and his eyes seemed to be much closer. I finally understand that eggplant friends do not refer to tomato friends, but cigar friends. It turns out that "Patagas-Solomon" is Cuban, the president is proficient in foreign languages, and he is not mentally retarded. I immediately felt that I was mentally retarded. I nervously touched my eyes, and they suddenly became out of reach, just like Chengdu to Beijing, just like Yang Xiaocao and me. In order to get closer to Yang Xiaocao, I tried to find a common language with her and eggplant friends. Before I came here, I did a lot of homework, loaded with a stomach full of knowledge, and became almost more aware of the prostate than a urologist. But I don't know my eye distance, nor do I know Yang Xiaocao. I saw the president holding the bright red dress, inside which stood Yang Xiaocao. she grinned with a big grin. I suddenly felt the rumors that I had scoffed at, along with the MMS she sent to her friends who had lost their bags. they crawled out of the recycle bin of memory and haunted me again. But why is she as pure as the foundation of her face in front of me? Why has she never sent me an MMS? I remembered that Yang Xiaocao once asked me what kind of red wine I like to drink. I told her that I had only drunk Changyu, and she seemed to have rarely contacted me since then. If she knew that I understood a cigar party as getting together to eat tomatoes, would she regret knowing me as a friend in need? I was wandering in painful contemplation when Yang Xiaocao's charming voice pulled me back to the night in Cuba. She introduced me to everyone and said that I was her friend, and let me have a few words with you. Friend, do you really think I'm a friend? I don't think I can lose my share to my friends. I need to share with you what I have prepared beforehand. Although they may not have prostate problems, at least today is World Health Day, and I want my eggplant friends to make this trip worthwhile. I took the microphone and recited the manuscript which I had rehearsed no less than ten times: "We come from all over the world, have different beliefs and hobbies, but become brothers because of the prostate and get together to eat tomatoes regularly." So I brought you a good tomato, it's not imported, it doesn't have that many levels of taste, it doesn't have a romantic appearance, but it can keep your prostate alive for 20 years. " "of course, in addition to diet therapy, I have also brought some more effective treatments. Believe me, my uncle died of prostate cancer. I won't deceive you. " At this point, I stood up, turned around and pointed my ass at my eggplant friends. I tell you that lifting the anus can massage the prostate, like this, take a deep breath, tighten the sphincter, shrug your heel, and imagine that the friend next to you covets your ass. You are so scared that you wish you could sew the two buttocks together. That's what it feels like. Look for it. Eggplant friends looked at each other's neighbors and clamped their buttocks one after another with a shudder. only Yang Xiaocao looked at the president beside him angrily. I pretended not to see Yang Xiaocao and praised you for doing a good job. You have realized the secret of immortality in the prostate. "Emperor Qianlong raised his anus every time he went to court, so although he was flirtatious and partying every night, he still lived to the age of 89 and became the oldest emperor in Chinese history." I told them according to the classics. I saw several eggplant friends secretly take out notes and write down my words. I think everyone was really infected by Yang Xiaocao's willingness to learn and make progress in the red wine industry, and they all strived to be dedicated people, and they still kept their ambitions in this smoky occasion. I nodded secretly and said in my heart that there were more than a dozen changes in my anal exercises, and I would certainly give money to these eggplant friends in the future. Finally, I concluded that if you do ten minutes of anal lifting exercise every day, with tomatoes, you won't get prostate cancer in your next life. Then I returned the microphone to Yang Xiaocao. The eggplant friends were silent. I saw several people who wanted to applaud, but held back because of their identity. Yang Xiaocao seems to have smoke waves in her eyes, but she is covered by her go-like cosmetic contact lenses. I can't read anything. The people were silent, only the singing remained the same. Metallica's old song "Exit light, Enter night, take my hand, off to never-neverland" came from the speaker. This is the song "Enter sandman". I understand the lyrics. There are no Snow White and Peter Pan in the world, only demons and lies. If you want to go to the never Island, you can only go through a dream, a dream that arrives before the Sandman comes. In this dreamy melody, I ate the two big tomatoes I brought neither humbly nor arrogantly in front of everyone, then picked up my anus and said goodbye to my eggplant friends. Yes, I think they are my eggplant friends. Wang Rui finally finished his story, but I didn't know what to say. "I'll ask you one last question, and then Yang Xiaocao and I will forget about each other, no matter what the answer is." Wang Rui assured me with a deep look. "you tell me." "what I want to ask is, as an IT person, from your professional point of view, will the poor mobile signal really lead to the loss of data packets in MMS pictures?" I was silent for a long time and answered him yes. "there is something wrong with my computer graphics card, many Japanese dramas are shown, and the heroine has no clothes." I gave him a reassurance with my professional knowledge. Wang Rui took a breath and smiled at the corners of his mouth. He kept his promise, canceled Renren and forgot about his Wendy. I know that in his world, tomatoes are still tomatoes and have not turned into cigars. He is still the 1.87-meter Peter Pan with a huge ass. He still believes in love easily, and tears fill his eyes every night.. But the island of eternity in his dream is probably sunk forever.

recipes

whenever I think of what happened to Wang Rui, I feel extremely distressed and feel that life is so cruel to him. Of course, in addition to life, I also have a certain responsibility. After all, when Wang Rui asked me, "how can I pretend to eat tomatoes often", I was just perfunctory. Leading to our simple, generous, silent Wang Rui, in that group of pot-bellied, drunken eyes of middle-aged, wanton ridicule and contempt. I just ate a few tomatoes, and my buttocks were bigger and my eyes were closer. Why do you look down on us, Lao Wang? Today I'm going to make amends. Lao Wang, I know you are reading this article, and then I will teach you how to pretend to eat tomatoes next time you go to an occasion like this. 1. The main ingredient is a tomato as big as its butt, two native eggs and some fresh shrimp. When I first cooked this dish, I clearly remembered that I bought shrimp, but when I bought it home, it turned into shrimp. I don't know if it's because of the bad signal on the way home and the shrimp has no clothes.

2. Cut the head and tail of the shrimp and peel off the shrimp. There is a shrimp line in the shrimp, hidden in the back of the shrimp, as can be seen in the following picture. Shrimp thread is the source of the fishy smell of shrimp and must be removed.

3. The specific method is to cut open the back with a knife and pick out the shrimp line. Most people pick with toothpicks, but I use my fingers because I have deep fingers. (usually do push-ups with three fingers, don't think about it.)

4. Wash the cut shrimp and marinate them with pepper and cooking wine. Then grab a tomato as big as your butt and cut it into 3:1 with a knife. The big one is used as a cup and the small one is covered.

5. Empty the tomato cup with a spoon, and the pulp can be eaten immediately. Don't hate the raw tomatoes. When you get prostatitis and go to the hospital for rectal examination, you will regret not eating every tomato in Wuhou District.

6, followed by egg beater. Anyone can beat eggs, but one should be careful that the water added should not be overheated, otherwise it will be beaten into egg flowers. Second, the ratio of water to egg should be controlled at 1: 1, so that the steamed eggs are neither old nor thin, but can be broken like bean flowers. Pay attention to the action of beating eggs. It is obviously not elegant to use both hands. I only use my right hand and left hand to insert the bag, and the action is pompous. When my grandmother happened to go into the kitchen to get something, she thought I was stupid when she saw me beating eggs. I quickly frowned and narrowed the distance between my eyes to a minimum to prove my intelligence.

7. Use a filter to remove impurities and bubbles, and the prepared egg should be as smooth as a mirror. When I saw myself in the bowl, I could not help pinching the little face lovingly.

8. Pour the egg into the tomato cup, do not fill it too full, or you will think the tomato has been steamed and puffed when you lift the lid of the pot later.

9. The steamed egg bowl is usually sealed with plastic wrap to prevent the condensed water from dripping into the egg, but since there is a ready-made tomato lid, put it on the steamer and steam over low heat. The essence of this dish is in the steamer. Instead of using tap water, I put the pre-cooked chicken soup as the steaming bottom to put the fresh flavor of the chicken soup into the tomato cup. As for how helpless the chicken is at the bottom of the pot, it's none of my business. It can complain to the China Chicken Regulatory Commission if it has any opinions.

10, the heat conduction of tomato is slower than that of bowl, and the egg will initially set after steaming for about 10 minutes. At this time, open the tomato cover, carefully place the pickled shrimp on the semi-solidified egg, close the cover and steam for about 5 minutes. 11. Sprinkle a little chopped green onions and parsley on the pan and set the plate.

12. The steamed eggs in the tomato cup are soft but not rotten, tender but not thin, without honeycomb, and the taste is mixed with the delicacy of shrimp, the richness of chicken soup and the sour and sweet of tomato.

13. Since it is a night in Cuba, not drinking seems unsociable. But drinking red wine is elegant? After drinking, the next day shit is black, how elegant. Drink spirits if you want, just remember to do what you can and don't throw up before you finish eating tomatoes. The elegant tomato steamed egg cup is crushed in your stomach and turned into tomato scrambled eggs, spitting out another new dish, which is also a kind of lazy cooking. However, with Wang Rui's amount of alcohol, the bald, slightly fat, middle-aged people present are no match for him, and they will not be able to eat scrambled eggs with tomatoes.

14. After I had had enough to drink and eat, I began to have a wild dream. I imagine Wang Rui holding the tomato cup in his mouth like a rose and walking toward Yang Xiaocao with whiskey in his hand. Wang Rui went to Yang Xiaocao and knocked her wall against the wall. Due to the inarticulation caused by tomatoes, Wang Rui stammered and said, "Nest." no, no, no. Let me ask you the last one. problem. What on earth are you. Is there any. " "get it done, get it done!" Yang Xiaocao covered the blade-like chin and explained in tears. The half sentence that didn't say, "have you ever loved me?" It was swallowed by Wang Rui, along with tomatoes, shrimp, steamed eggs and his innocence. Our big ass Peter Pan said goodbye to Yongwu Island, the last immature child in Chengdu, and he finally grew up.