Empty Nest era: no one stands with me at dusk

the topic of the latest issue of "Strange Theory" is, is it a virtue not to bother others?

debating skills the definition and exchange of concepts between bothering others and virtue is only a matter of pure skill, but I find that when not bothering others and virtue are associated, I can't help but shudder. Perhaps many people already think that not bothering others is at least a good practice or a communication rule that should be followed.

this kind of society that does not want to bother others is not without precedent. The Japanese rule of conduct is not to bother others, but polite but quite distant, opening up the distance between people. As early as 2010, NHK made a documentary called "unpredestined Society" to seriously discuss the various forms of life in a society that does not bother others.

the opportunity for the beginning of the program began with a survey of citizens who "died without cause" published in the newspaper. "death without cause" means an individual who has not claimed an accidental death. They share common characteristics: old age, childless, unemployed, unmarried, urbanized, they are alive, have no job, no spouse, no children, no return to their hometown, no one to contact them; they are dead, no one knows, and even if they are found, no one can claim their bodies or even know their last names. Every year, 32,000 people in Japan embark on this road of "dying without fate".

because of the connection, this group is actively or passively cut off from others.

Marx said that man is the sum of all social relations.

and these people who "die for no reason" have lost all their social relations. In fact, after investigation, the reporter also found the relatives of these deceased, but many of them did not want to claim the bodies and chose to let them be cremated directly in public cemeteries or other simple ways to dispose of them, and the ashes were placed in public welfare organizations. I don't want to take it home.

this alienation is not blamed on the apathy of relatives. In fact, at the end of people with declining fertility or even lifelong unmarried, relatives who can be called contact are only distant relatives with little contact. Even if they have children, if they have set up a new family, these old people do not want to bother their children and bother them on weekdays and face high living costs. Devote all the time to work and lack communication outside of work, but once you lose your job, you will lose contact with this society.

but the empty nest youth who have recently come into people's view has a great impact on the traditional Chinese human society.

the tag of empty nest no longer falls on the left-behind teenagers in the mountains and the elderly at home, and it is no longer a vulnerable group abandoned by their relatives. The people who fall into the "empty nest" this time are the young people who are struggling in big cities and are becoming the pillars of this society. At present, more than 58 million people live a "one-person life" in China, of which 20 million are young people living alone (20-39 years old). Compared with the previous empty nest group, most of them chose the empty nest on their initiative.

currently working in the big four accounting firms, Xiao Tian is one of the empty nest youths. Two years after graduating as a graduate student, she has been floating alone in the imperial capital far from her hometown for two years.

"I don't have a boyfriend. I have a cat. I work out and read books when I'm not busy, but most of the time I'm still busy. I don't have to fall in love, and I don't need to bother others to take care of me. I'm not bad myself."

Xiaotian's life is the life of a typical empty nest youth. A single young man who is far away from home lives alone has no emotional sustenance and is independent. These young people can't say three heads and six arms, but they all settle down in the cold city. Drag boxes and backpacks among housing agents to choose rented houses that are not cost-effective, transfer to work three times from the outer ring, skillfully finish their work on weekdays, and do what they want to do on weekends. After all, there are many activities to choose from in the city.

"it's just that sometimes there's a lot of pressure, but you can't say it." A Xiao Yun recalled that he was extremely unaccustomed to the pressure of work when he first entered the workplace. "especially afraid of the silence of no one, it would be better to listen to programs like the Himalayas on the road and turn on the TV when I get back to the rented house."

they don't choose to communicate with friends.

"I don't think it's necessary. Maybe it's just mood swings and maladjustment. I can solve it by myself anyway. Why bother others? everyone is very busy."

but she has been working for two years and is now well adapted to this kind of life. "when I'm not working, I go back to watch a play, write something, sometimes go to the park to enjoy flowers and take pictures, learn some online lessons, and I feel like there are a lot of things I want to do."

Don't bother other people's lives is the life principle of empty nest youth.

Xiao Yun, who lives in Didu, is not as relieved as Xiao Tian.

"very lonely. I don't want to do this." Xiao Yun's rental house is shared with others. "they are out of sync with their roommates and seldom meet each other." The four-hour round trip to and from work made Xiao Yun devote all her weekends to sleep. "there is no time to socialize, not to mention that there are really few friends here."

with the foundation of this large group, it is reasonable to aim at their consumption, which has something to do with the collective explosion of eating by one person and keeping pets, especially cats and succulent plants.

is also a pet. The advantage of owning a cat over a dog is that there is no more independent space, no need to invest too much energy, and it is easy to get the emotional comfort you need, as is the case for succulent plants.

empty nest youth is the product of the development of the Internet and commercial society.

with its omnipotent ability and the continuous development of commercial society, the Internet has changed some of the structures of Chinese traditional society. For example, the basic connection between people.

the developed business allows people to satisfy themselves easily and quickly. Even if it is late at night to eat midnight snacks, the explosion of information on the Internet also allows everyone with knowledge and skills to get answers to almost all questions online. So a person can live a good life in society. In particular, the only generation of young people, who were taught to be independent at an early age, grew up with all the expectations and pressure of their families and were determined to realize their values from an early age. Effortlessly decided to fight alone in a big city far from home.

on the other hand, for the current empty-nest youth, the struggle is the only theme of their current life, and the "youth waiting for wealth" is facing the same cost of living close to that of Japanese society. In the process of growing up, they all face pressure from their peers, and what they need to face in society is the anxiety brought to them by utilitarianism in this business society.

all the time on the road is spent fighting, and the contact and trouble with others become a nuisance.

because time is precious, you shouldn't "trouble others".

they gradually become familiar with commercial contracts without temperature, struggle to work under the high pressure of the city and replace all useless social activities with solitude.

countless social media, Soul Chicken Soup is also telling them how to use their leisure time efficiently and not to waste it on useless social activities.

Selecting petite prom dresses will bring out your high fashion sense and fashion conscience. Immediately after buying, you get a peace of mind.

all the values of benefits theory have become mainstream values, self-improvement has become the only goal, and people are told, "the difference between you and successful people is that you fail to grasp the time for self-improvement after work." As a result, both inside and outside the working hours are spent focusing on self-improvement.

under the temptation of looking for self-worth and success, the younger generation in the anxiety of the high cost of survival has taken the initiative to give up a lot of things that "bother others".

but facing the most vulnerable moment, when they cycle Eason Chan in the middle of the night and then burst into tears when they say "one" in embarrassment when they go out to eat when they are alone in the hospital to register, pay, and test when they are weak in getting medicine, they may have some regrets and regret the choice of an empty nest.

some young people with empty nests are the result of their initiative. They are generally well-off and pursue personal freedom. The other part is the "involuntary empty nest", they work hard in big cities for their ideals, and the rising housing prices lead to greater pressure on their survival, which makes them have unspeakable loneliness and hardship.

the young people who passively choose empty nests are indeed no different from the empty-nest children and the elderly at that time. They are forced to accept social choices, accept them painfully, and are deprived of the opportunity to get in touch with others. They may not have the right and basis to talk about love, but those young people who take the initiative to choose empty nests quietly draw boundaries between themselves and others in a posture that is too independent.

choose an empty nest, choose not to fall in love, get married, start a family, or even make friends. This confidence that they can take good care of themselves may be their unassailable personal ability or sufficient capital, but this choice to avoid relationships with others inevitably reveals their emotional avoidance.

these individuals cannot love rather than avoid their feelings.

Qian Zhongshu has a classic exposition on the beginning of love. "Men are willing to buy sugar and clothing materials. Cosmetics are given to women, but books are only lent to her, not bought and given to her, and women do not want him to give them. May I ask why? Borrow to return, borrow and return, a book can be used as an excuse for two contacts, and there is no trace, this is also the preliminary step of the inevitable steps for men and women to fall in love. "

this loan is bound to be implicated and fettered, that is to say, a kind of "trouble to others". It's just that at present, few people are willing to take this trouble and maintain a relationship, as Xiaotian said, falls in love, "trouble", she may put more emphasis on "trouble herself".

the social exclusion in Japan is also caused by similar reasons. The objective reasons for the changes in social structure are the service function of the developed commercial society, the economic independence of women, and the developed Internet, which are objectively conducive to living alone.

on the other hand, the high cost of living and the unaffordable burden on families is an important reason why many Japanese choose not to marry and have children. Japan's elderly singles are among the highest in the world, followed by an extremely low birth rate and an aging social structure.

in the end, this group, which strives independently on the principle of celibacy, non-marriage, and infertility, can be expected to have relatively great changes in the future, the prototype of the unlucky people, and the Chinese society in the future.

in the last episode of the program, "unpredestined Society" shifted from cold reality disclosure to looking for a solution to this problem. In this society that has been out of luck, what can be used to create the connection between the unpredestined people and the society, to save their isolation and helplessness?

it depends on the social security system and the assistance of public welfare organizations, just like in any developed capitalist country, people can finally survive under social assistance, and even live a good life.

in the big family of public welfare organizations, go through the last journey of life together with a group of equally isolated and helpless people. Over the past seven years, Japan's social security system has made a lot of progress compared with that time, but what has not changed is the cold order and the high suicide rate in Japanese society.

Social security can objectively alleviate people's helplessness, but the problem of loneliness is more of people's own choice.

the absence of society ultimately lies in the subjective choice of individuals, just like those young people who take the initiative to choose an empty nest, will they expect that their life will end in a few decades, just like the "unpredestined"? Maybe they didn't think so far, maybe they didn't care.