As a man, you should turn your face when it's time to turn your face.

there is a line in the movie Blacklist:

sounds cruel, but it is true.

most of the time, you are bullied because there is no cost to bully you.

tolerance is true, but if there is no bottom line, it is a disaster.

kindness is true, but without the yardstick, it is nourishing gratitude and hatred.

the more you fear him, the more aggressive he is; the tougher you are with him, the more obedient he is to you.

to be a man, there is no need to always smile. When it is time to turn your face, you will gain respect instead.

01

your patience is no substitute for kindness

I have read the sentence: "it is ourselves who teach others how to hurt us."

there is a term in psychology called inner reinforcement. If someone hurts us and returns our compromises and interests, they will repeat this behavior.

and once we choose to be patient and not resist, we breed the courage of each other to hurt us.

writer Bo Bonnie once told her own story on the program.

when she was a child, Bo Bonnie was short, chubby and clumsy.

once, in PE class, a male classmate, in front of the whole class, threw a basketball on her head.

this makes her very helpless. Although she is extremely aggrieved, she still chooses to escape and be patient.

from then on, the male classmate took her as a doormat.

every time in PE class, the male classmate and his small group bully her and laugh at her.

this led her to resist taking PE classes from primary school to college, and even now she is afraid of doing sports in front of others.

when she thought of the past many years later, she was still bitter in her heart.

she said, "if I can go back, I must call back." I don't want to defeat him, just to prove to him that I am not a weak person and that I will not live forever with this memory of humiliation. "

in a moment of forbearance, she returned not only to ridicule, but also to long-term inner torture.

kindness is precious, but if it doesn't grow teeth, it is weak.

psychologist Wu Zhihong once said: "born as a human being, knowing how to be patient is a good thing, but there must be a bottom line for tolerance."

moderate forbearance will make your kindness shine; excessive forbearance will only nourish each other's unscrupulous.

Yu Hua said: "when we treat the world ferociously, the world suddenly becomes gentle and gentle."

you don't have to stab people, but you must have thorns on your body.

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because not all tolerance can be exchanged for enough, and not all concessions can be exchanged for harmony.

02

there must be a measure of kindness and tolerance

there is a problem in Zhihu: "Why do you refuse to be a man?"

A high praise replied: "most of the time, 'turning over' represents your bottom line, protects your self-esteem, and represents a person's most basic right in interpersonal communication: to be respected."

being kind to others is originally a good thing, but if you are "kidnapped" for kindness, you should know how to refuse in time.

Mr. Qigong, a calligrapher, has been distressed by others asking for words.

it has always been said that the words he wrote are the best, because he has no distinction between superiority and inferiority, and almost everything he asks for is answered.

later, those who asked for words spread ten and hundreds at a time, and those who asked for words came ferociously, such as flooding, which seriously affected Mr. Qigong's main business. He felt unbearable and said, "I'm not writing now." it's just brushing. "

for him, writing was originally a pleasure, but now it has become an annoyance in his life.

being embarrassed to refuse others, you will only add to your troubles.

later, on one occasion, Mr. Qigong caught a bad cold, was not feeling well, and was worried about being disturbed.

four sentences are written on a blank piece of paper: "start hibernation and refuse to visit; if you knock on the door and window, you will be fined one yuan."

visitors who came to ask for words, saw it, smiled knowingly, and naturally left quietly.

and those who ask for words for business, he asks to say hello to the school office, negotiate a price, and finally write it down by him. All income is recorded and subsequently used for public welfare.

as Bi Shumin said, "refusal is a right. If you are so easy to talk, who can understand you?" Life is not easy. Many times, you give up your precious time and are squeezed by those who take advantage of your kindness. "

kindness has no measure, it is honey to others, but arsenic to itself.

there is such a saying: "softness without boundaries will only make the other party gain an inch; kindness without principles will only allow the other party to do whatever he wants."

Don't be a weak good person who has no bottom line and doesn't know how to refuse, otherwise, you will only be squeezed.

in fact, to learn to reject others is to be kind to yourself; if you know moderate kindness, you will learn to win respect.

there should be a measure of kindness, a degree in everything, a turn of face, a refusal before others know that enough is enough with you.

03

if you are good enough to be unreserved

the other person dares to be unscrupulous

has read such a sentence: "not showing mercy to the wicked is also a kind of self-cultivation."

I think so.

too patient and aggrieved, too good to be bullied by others, meet evil people, it is better to fall out directly.

to take a stand and add a yardstick to kindness is another kind of self-protection.

I have seen such a piece of news.

Shang Binghui is the owner of a waste collection station in Guangzhou. He has taken in and helped a lot over the years.The homeless, and use 1/3 of the income from waste collection to help the homeless.

known as the "most beautiful junk king", he specially opened a charity rescue station.

understanding of the homeless people's eagerness to go home, he paid for tickets and asked them to go home.

considering that some people who could not go home lost their ability to work, he sent food and oil supplies every month and gave them a living subsidy of several hundred yuan.

he always tries his best to help them.

but later, due to the depressed industry environment and the drop in waste prices, he lost hundreds of thousands of dollars in his business and was strapped for money.

the income has decreased, and the subsidy to everyone can only be reduced accordingly. For a moment, he was willing but powerless.

I didn't expect that at this time, Mr. Huang, who had been assisted for more than three years, went so far as to report him to the police station because he did not receive financial assistance at the first time.

during the Spring Festival that year, he invited homeless people to dinner. Everyone handed out 100 yuan in red envelopes, but the old man was angry: "you used to give 500, but now you are so famous that you look down on me?"

another old man in his 60s said, "there must be government support for doing good deeds, but if you only give me so little money for my subsidy, are you embezzling the government's funds?"

this is really Shengmien, duomiu.

when a person is cold and hungry, you give him a bowl of noodles and he is grateful. But when you keep giving, he takes it for granted.

if you are kind enough to be unreserved, the other person dares to be unscrupulous.

your love enlarges the other person's stomach, and when it is not satisfied, it will bite you back.

kindness is right, but there is no principle, no edges and corners of kindness, will only encourage each other's evil.

if you keep giving, others will keep taking; if you keep giving, others will keep encroaching on it.

to be a man, you should put an edge on the goodness, turn your face when it's time to turn your face, and warn each other to rein in your evil.

04

for the rest of my life, when it's time to turn my face, I'm not afraid of offending people

someone once asked Confucius, "what is it like to return good for evil?"

Confucius said, "how can you return good? Return evil with directness, and repay good with good. "

if someone bullies you, you influence him morally. So how can you repay those who are kind to you?

Don't indulge those who hurt us.

you can be kind, but if you are bullied, you should make the other person pay a painful cost before the other person can stop.

cannot be used to bullying those who are soft and afraid of hard; those who cannot bear it and gain an inch;

put an edge on goodness, do not deceive others, but do not be bullied by others.

Let patience be marked on the scale, do not cross the limit, but do not let the other side cross the limit.

May you and I remain gentle and pure for the rest of my life, but wait for the wicked to show their edge.