A day for a person with social phobia

one morning, I woke up, stayed in a lying position and browsed Weibo and moments on my phone as a routine, then sat up and slowly began to put on the clothes, socks, trousers, slippers, stand up, go to the bathroom, brush my teeth, wash my face, apply a pile of liquid on my face, tidy up bangs, put on contact lenses, apply hand cream, and wear a watch. Make sure there are keys in the bag, cell phone, bus card, and finally go out.

such a process is so proficient that even if my mind is blank, I can finish it in 15 minutes, while half a year ago, I needed 30 minutes to do it, so it can be inferred that in a few years, I can practice getting up in 5 minutes.

after buying breakfast downstairs, the girl at the front desk said to me, "good morning!" Usually, at this time, I would reply "good morning", but after I opened my mouth, I found that I was speechless!

I quickly coughed softly to resolve my embarrassment, turned the "early" answer into a smiling face, smiled, and nodded to the girl.

when I walked into the office, I found that I was still the first to arrive. I turned on the light, sat down in my seat, and calmed down. First I coughed twice. Yes, I coughed and had a sound, but I wanted to talk, but I couldn't make a sound. I wanted to say "Hello" to the air. "Hey, hey, hey!" But only the lips are moving, and there is a square light in front of the left that has been broken for several days, and it will start to flash again, like questioning me, don't just wiggle your mouth, you tell me!

I feel the exertion of my throat, but I don't make a sound!

when I encounter an emergency, I usually force myself to calm down and think. For example, when I can't find the key, I will close my eyes immediately and try to remember the last time I saw it. Try to repeat it in your mind, and finally, you can always find what I'm looking for. So now I'm going to use this method again. Close your eyes. What happened yesterday?

yesterday afternoon, I went to the client to summarize this month's work report. Because there are many projects this month, the team leader usually goes with me, but yesterday I was the only one to go.

when I went to the customer, I sat down in the reception room, took out my notebook, plugged it in, and turned on PPT. So far, I was very skilled. Then, facing the customer sitting opposite me, I began to learn the look of the previous team leader and describe the progress of the project this month.

I have to say, in the past, when I came with the team leader, I thought it was very easy for the group leader to say this. As a bystander, I looked like I had read the PPT once, plus a little flattering smile, and asked for opinions. A monthly report summary would be a success.

but when it's my turn to say this, I begin to feel that my ability to organize my language is far inferior to that of speaking on a keyboard. I felt that I used "then" and "so" that is to say, "there are so many words like this. If they were on the bullet screen, I would not be able to see what the real image was playing, but I just couldn't control my mouth."

the client seems to have a slight frown. I don't know if this action is because I think my expression is not good, that the project has not been executed satisfactorily this month, or if there is no difference between the two.

in short, I panicked, my palms began to sweat, my face began to turn red, and I said more and more conjunctions.

in the end, the client asked me, "Is there much like this in your company?" I didn't realize it at first. Is there something wrong with my project? Then I suddenly thought of talking about the absence of the team leader, and hurriedly said, "this is an exception. Team leader Li will come with me next time." The customer nodded and replied with confidence: "good work this month, continue next month, I will contact Xiao Li later." I smiled and nodded and said "Yes", then quickly packed up my belongings and left.

on the way back, I received a message from the team leader who asked me how my report was. I replied that it was OK and that I could continue to do it next month. The group leader said a few words of encouragement and seemed to be in a good mood. The last word made me want to cry. The group leader said, "you are the only one to report next month."

when I think of this, I wonder if I smoked too much secondhand smoke in yesterday's report, but then it occurred to me that the customer didn't seem to smoke, and it couldn't be using his voice too much. My stammering words may not be as many words as the morning meeting boss.

or did I smoke too much haze on the road? Think about it is not impossible, ah, the customer company is not in the main city, before I went by bus with the team leader, I walked a long way down, and there was no big tree to cover the dust. Maybe I sucked too much haze. However, if this is the reason, I was fine last month, why did I lose my voice this month?

at this time, people in the office are coming in one after another. in fact, our department is very small. Sitting at two diagonal tables and talking a little louder, we can chat, but unfortunately, when we are at work, the loudest sound is the keyboard. Even if the two people sitting opposite want to go out for a smoke, they all send two words on QQ-- appointment?

the group leader who just entered the door and I nodded and smiled and said good morning. The group leader said a word softly: "good morning".

when I first came to the company, I always rejected the working atmosphere of talking only on the keyboard. I thought it was too depressing. I didn't know what to call my new colleagues. I could only find clues through group chatting, and if there was any problem, no one said face to face, they all changed from group chatting to private chatting.

I can't hear other people's problems, and they don't know my problems. I don't know other people's work progress, and naturally, others don't know mine. Everyone does their job and occasionally quarrels in group chats. Major events such as meetings and holidays are also posted in the group in extra-coarse and eye-catching fonts.

OhThe Internet age!

now it's good. I can't answer what you ask me. So far, my way of communicating with people is not only by handwriting but also by online chatting. Since online chatting is the most important way of communication at work, then I have nothing to worry about. Otherwise, it is like fighting a war. As soon as you open your mouth, you will expose your position and will be immediately annihilated by the enemy.

as I skim through today's news, I continue to recall yesterday and pray that I can speak in the afternoon. Maybe it's just some kind of "morning reaction". My soul may not have adapted to my body.

Last night, my good friend Zhou Xiaomu shouted to go out for dinner. Zhou Xiaomu recently made a new boyfriend and said he would bring it out to be a gatekeeper for his sisters. As soon as this kind of invitation appeared, I knew that I was going to be a non-environmentally friendly light bulb to pollute the environment all night. Zhou Xiaomu called me, and another good friend Ding Xuan, Ding Xuan, and her boyfriend are like the English word for trousers-never in the singular form. There are five people in total, and I am the fifth.

when I first sat down to order, it was just me and Zhou Xiaomu. After a general greeting, Zhou Xiaomu began to describe how he met his new boyfriend and some details about him as a human being. I listened carefully, wondering why the rest of us hadn't come yet. Zhou Xiaomu talked incessantly about the concept of marriage, Ding Xuan and the couple showed up, and I thought, someone who can talk has finally come.

the reason why I often go out to eat, go shopping and watch movies with Zhou Xiaomu and Ding Xuan is because this not only enhances my friendship but also I don't have to bother to chat. I just need to quietly listen to Zhou Xiaomu and Ding Xuan say, occasionally echoing a few exclamations, and the rest is only responsible for making expressions, which is why if one of them asks me out, I will certainly ask the other reason why they are not there.

later, we all had enough to eat, and Zhou Xiaomu's boyfriend finally arrived. as soon as he arrived, he quickly apologized that he could not work overtime and had been relatively busy recently. Zhou Xiaomu and her boyfriend introduced me and Ding Xuan. After we said hello, Zhou Xiaomu began to pile the leftover food into the bowl in front of his boyfriend and ordered the cleaning work.

while everyone was joking and Zhou Xiaomu's boyfriend was buried in the gap, I took a closer look at the new stranger, that is, for two or three seconds, because I was afraid that if I looked at it for a long time, the stranger would look up and find me looking at him. I'll be embarrassed. The formation of the first impression of two or three seconds is also convenient to chat with Zhou Xiaomu in the future. When asked, I can say things like "look good" or "feel the special look in your eyes".

all right, the task of polluting the environment is complete!

in retrospect, did drinking too much last night irritate my throat? I remember that Zhou Xiaomu had some beer when he ordered, one by one. It's just a can of beer, and if it could cause a loss of voice, I might not be able to talk a long time ago. Or what kind of food did I eat that I was allergic to? Yesterday I ate seafood. Zhou Xiaomu and Ding Xuan liked it very much. I ate less but I could barely accept it. I don't know if the seafood was not clean and I was allergic to some unknown species. Well, maybe that's the reason.

after feeling that I had found the reason, I began to consider whether I should ask for leave in the afternoon to go to the hospital to check. After all, the body is the capital of the revolution. I looked at the team leader across a few desks. if I ask for leave now, should I talk to the team leader on QQ or go up to him and write a note to him? He will certainly say that there is no need to talk at work anyway, so it is better to see a doctor tomorrow weekend.

it's not unreasonable to think about it. I still remember that when I asked for leave with the team leader for the first time six months ago, I was questioned for a long time, and discussed the seriousness of the request for leave and the extent of the work conflict. and how to solve if such a situation occurs in the future, and enumerates several model colleagues on how to reasonably arrange their public and private time to achieve full attendance every month. I nodded again and again, feeling that I had learned a lot.

forget it, maybe I can talk in the afternoon?

when I think of it, I feel relieved. Maybe no one will notice that I can't talk all day long.

during the lunch break, people who went out to eat left the office one after another, and those who brought meals began to line up for hot meals in lunch boxes by the side of the microwave oven. This is the only good time of the day when everyone can gossip. I can't talk today, so naturally, I can't gossip, so after I let the lunch box stand in line, I began to read gossip on the web page.

the network speed of the company is very slow. I don't know whether it is intentional or not, but no one's computer can indeed watch the video. This is a backstage restriction. Apart from this, even if you can watch the video, even if you can watch a video for ten minutes, you may have to buffer yourself for a day. By the same token, Taobao is extremely slow to brush, but the news is very smooth. I watch current events and social news at work, and I only watch gossip news during my break.

while watching a star caught taking drugs, more accomplices hinted with letters, and everyone guessed who was who, the group chat began to twinkle. Click to see that the administrative girl sent a message with extra-coarse and eye-catching words--

department dinner tonight, go directly to XX restaurant after work, XX private room, if leaders come, make sure everyone is here. The word

is so big that it took a long time to read the whole content.

I'm going to cry for help in my heart again.

in the afternoon, I have no intention of working. Mechanically doing some less important work, figuring out what to do when I can't talk for dinner in the evening, eating without saying a word feels impolite, drinking without saying a word feels lovelorn, and I don't have that amount of alcohol. If a leader comes, it may be that Mr. Zhang, who likes to drink, has his figure wherever there is a dinner party. He likes to pull people to drink, and when he drinks too much, he will give a report on the wine table, which is full of leadership style.

sure enough, before I got off work, Xiao Xia across the street asked me on QQ if there would be Mr. Zhang in the evening. Xiao Xia came to the company a month later than me, and he was about my age, so when I went to work, except for the group chat window. The most private chat object is Xiao Xia, but it is strange to say that we can chat enthusiastically online, but if we sit down face to face with each other, we will look at each other without saying a word. I gave Xiao Xia a kneeling expression in the shadow.

then it occurred to me that maybe I could tell Xiao Xia that I couldn't talk, and it would be easier for one more ally to have dinner in the evening. So Xiao Xia and I said on the Internet:

-to tell you one thing, I don't know what's wrong with my throat today. I can't talk.

-Oh, you should go to the hospital.

-- it's not a holiday. Please take a rest and go to the hospital tomorrow.

-poor man, do you have a sore throat?

-nothing, as usual.

-the more serious the illness, the better the latent condition.

-you can't say something positive.

-if you have to drink and smoke secondhand smoke at night, there is no positive energy.

-- dinner seems to be AA.

-- shoot me hard in the heart.

-- come on, I just want to tell you to block for me at night.

-how to block, I have seen Mr. Zhang's posture, relay race.

Take time to get in and look at the dazzling collection of wedding dresses for big busts. Don’t be shy, just click the button and sit back to enjoy a grand shopping experience!

-just say I'm not feeling well, and then put me through.

-so that you can take it for granted?

-you know me.

-less creepy, all I can say is that I'll do my best at night, you know.

-Thank you so much!

then I sent several love-related expressions and prayed that everything would be all right at night.

in fact, at the beginning of the meal, no one can predict whether everyone will still be in their seats, standing or sitting, lying on the ground or lying on the table, vomiting in the bathroom or in the private room, who will have the last laugh, who will arrange for everyone to go home, and who will last until the second game.

I'm not one of these. I'm allergic to alcohol. Reluctantly drink some beer, red wine means two mouthfuls, and if you drink more, you will begin to get a rash. Some people say that drinking more times will be good, but I am afraid that if I drink more times, I will lose my life, so whenever there is a need for a toast, I will only drink a cup or two, and the rest is to calmly watch everyone go crazy.

Today's occasion is generally the same, but I can't defend myself. I have to rely on my spokesman, Xiao Xia. Xiao Xia is elegant, but she is a girl from the north, with an amazing amount of alcohol and the heroism of a heroine. After serving the food, everyone still pretended to eat quietly, commented on the dishes, and waited for Boss Zhang to start drinking, he had to devote himself to the battlefield.

during the dinner, everyone talked about work, and occasionally put in a joke, and everyone laughed together. suddenly, the group leader said, "Xiao Dong, the client contacted me, saying that you felt very nervous that day, which depressed the client. I'll have dinner with my client next week, and you'll fly solo later."

I was nodding with a smile on my face, but I was shouting in my heart, when my spokesman said, "team leader, Xiao-Dong has a sore throat today and can't make a sound." "Oh, what's going on?" the group leader put on a worried expression. "it's nice to have a speechless throat and stick to the dinner. Come on, let's propose a toast to Xiao Dong, who is dedicated to our work. " I hurriedly waved my hand, and Yuguang saw that everyone reluctantly raised the glass, and someone didn't drink a sip of the liquid when they put it down.

at this time, Mr. Zhang said, "Young people nowadays are not in good health. None of us dared to get sick in those days." However, if you are ill, you still have to go to the hospital, and don't delay your work. " I nodded hurriedly and saw that my attitude was sincere, so Mr. Zhang did not continue to talk about me.

then there is the inherent process. Boss Zhang began to raise his glass, everyone should drink with him, and everyone continued to drink in turn. Xiao Xia took my share for me because I was "not feeling well" and Xiao Xia toasted and answered for me. I concentrated on my hard work.

as I watched, Mr. Zhang gradually became red-eyed, and the group leader began to sway from side to side. Xiao Xia spoke louder and louder, and the volume in the private room was like a quarrel. In Wonderland created by secondhand smoke, everyone took off the coat of Keyboard Man and devoted themselves to the world of bliss, and everyone's face revealed self and happiness.

I'm still sitting in my seat. Looking at the impromptu performance in front of me, the difference is that this time I don't have to work hard to participate in it. I have my protective shield and I can't talk!

this natural silence allows me to be invisible in the office, as a foil in a gathering of friends and full at a dinner party in the company. The key is that I no longer have to face customers alone! Think about how foolish I was to worry all day about being unable to talk! Stupid!

Oh, what a beautiful day! I didn't say a word, the team leader praised me because I didn't ask for leave, how good every day would be like today! I might even be the mysterious character everyone talks about-someone who never opens his mouth. Never speaking means that no one will take the initiative to talk to you, people will only talk about you from a distance, and you won't even know it. You may not be invited to social occasions in the future, so you can go home from work, watch one or two episodes of your favorite TV series, and then go to bed early. You don't have to be the one to bargain with clients, and you'll never be the one to expose your goals in the office.

A life without words is so beautiful when you think about it!

Bye, pesky social life!

thinking of this, I decided not to see a doctor. I don't want to be cured. That's what I want. It's like a dream I don't want to wake up.

the feeling of vibration came from my pocket, and I heard my cell phone ring tone. The caller ID is my mom. It must be. Once a day to check the phone, I habitually swipe the screen.

"Hello?" It's habitual.

what my mother said next, I didn't listen to a word, but I heard a buzzing sound coming from my head.